When alcoholics and addicts are using, dishonesty becomes a way of life. Our primary purpose is to protect the addiction at any cost: we need to get our drink or drug and get away with it. It’s no wonder that lying becomes a way of life. Because lying eventually becomes second nature to the addict, honesty becomes a critical part of recovery. In fact, dishonesty is a hallmark sign of pending relapse. Lying takes enormous energy, and it brings us back to a secretive, shameful place that is not unlike our days of drinking or drugging.
But what does “getting honest” really mean in recovery? Does it mean we just get honest with ourselves about our behavior? It goes much deeper than that: it is critical that you are honest in every aspect of your life. This does not mean you hurt people by saying things that are honest but not helpful. What it does mean is that you are honest where it counts – in your interactions with family, friends, and co-workers.
Honesty is very simple: you don’t lie, cheat, or steal. You don’t cheat on your taxes; you don’t cheat on your spouse. You don’t steal from your employer. Don’t scam your insurance company. Don’t lie to get financial benefits that aren’t due you.
When I hear someone in recovery doing something that isn’t above board, I cringe: I know this is a crack in the wall…and we all know how cracks grow.
Being honest doesn’t mean if your wife says, “Do I look fat in this dress?” You remark, “Well yes dear, you look like a beached whale.” Don’t mistake true, heartfelt honesty and integrity with not being socially tactful. Clearly, there is a time and place for everything, and sometimes our thoughts are better kept to ourselves.
When it comes to the integrity of our daily interactions, we know darn well when we aren’t being honest.
But what does “getting honest” really mean in recovery? Does it mean we just get honest with ourselves about our behavior? It goes much deeper than that: it is critical that you are honest in every aspect of your life. This does not mean you hurt people by saying things that are honest but not helpful. What it does mean is that you are honest where it counts – in your interactions with family, friends, and co-workers.
Honesty is very simple: you don’t lie, cheat, or steal. You don’t cheat on your taxes; you don’t cheat on your spouse. You don’t steal from your employer. Don’t scam your insurance company. Don’t lie to get financial benefits that aren’t due you.
When I hear someone in recovery doing something that isn’t above board, I cringe: I know this is a crack in the wall…and we all know how cracks grow.
Being honest doesn’t mean if your wife says, “Do I look fat in this dress?” You remark, “Well yes dear, you look like a beached whale.” Don’t mistake true, heartfelt honesty and integrity with not being socially tactful. Clearly, there is a time and place for everything, and sometimes our thoughts are better kept to ourselves.
When it comes to the integrity of our daily interactions, we know darn well when we aren’t being honest.
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