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Do Your Best…Always

12/30/2014

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"If you’ll not settle for anything less than your best, you will be amazed at what you can accomplish in your lives." – Vince Lombardi, American football coach, best-known as the coach of the Green Bay Packers from 1959-1967 and later for the Washington Redskins; led team to six NFL Championship victories and two Super Bowl wins (1913-1970)

When we are in recovery, especially early recovery, it may sometimes seem as if we have to settle for something less than what we want. This may be due to self-imposed constraints or arise from a feeling that we need to punish ourselves for our past misdeeds, but whatever the reason, if we find ourselves settling instead of ardently pursuing our dreams, we are doing ourselves and our recovery a tremendous disservice.

Boiling it down to the simplest terms, nothing done halfway or halfhearted is every going to represent the best that we can do. On the other hand, it may be that we are only capable of going to a certain point, lacking sufficient knowledge or expertise or practice. But these are things that we can remedy, given time and motivation. The question is: do we have the sincere desire to keep pushing forward? This is really at the crux of the matter, for simply going through the motions isn’t being sincere. It is also not a very good demonstration of commitment to our sobriety.

Why do we put up roadblocks to impede our progress? That’s probably a question best discussed with our therapist, for there could be many and varied deep-seated reasons why we consciously or subconsciously seek to sabotage our efforts. Suffice to say that if we recognize we’re doing this, there are things that we can do to overcome it. So, recognition of what we’re doing to ourselves is the first step.

What’s next, assuming that we are somehow doing less than our best and not really knowing the reason for it? We can try examining what’s been going on with us recently, noting any significant changes, either positive or negative, that may be contributing factors to our seeming inability to get going with the work of recovery. Not everyone requires the assistance of a professional therapist to single out issues and problems that have temporarily waylaid us and caused us to slack off on our efforts. We know, or can figure out, much of what’s ailing us if we give ourselves the time and make an effort to do so.

Perhaps it’s a medical condition or an illness that, while not life-threatening, saps us of energy for a time. The remedy here is to get better, to heal so that we’re physically able to get back to work on our recovery goals. It could be that we’re overcome by assignments and duties at work, home or school and feel drained and stressed at not being able to meet deadlines or turn in our best work. Maybe separating the whole into parts will make it more tolerable and easier to tackle. Ask for assistance if it is reasonable and necessary, but don’t suffer in silence. This will just allow the stress and tension to build up and cause even further delay.

Suppose we attack problems and issues and seek to overcome difficulties and challenges with everything we’ve got – and we still come up short? Where’s the success in that? The reality is, as we should be somewhat aware by now, that we learn by doing. Not everything we do will result in an immediate success/ But this does not mean that we’ve failed. It simply means that we’re in the process of working through the problem, issue, or difficulty or task at hand.

In addition, if we are paying attention and carefully analyze what we did, we’ll learn something that can help us continue the effort, refining and revising our approach as necessary.

So, let’s say that we give it all that we’ve got. We do our best at everything we seek to do each day. What’s the result likely to be? Frankly, the sky’s the limit. Or, rather, the only limit is the one that we impose upon ourselves. If we take action and achieve the outcome or goal that we’ve been working toward, there should always be another goal beyond that we can then begin to tackle. If not, we’ve got some decision-making to do, crafting new goals and broadening our horizon to encompass a greater world view.

There’s no question that we’ll branch out from our present surroundings and look to opportunities that present themselves to us as we continue to make progress in recovery. And, since our recovery is a lifelong process, there will always be opportunity for achieving many more goals than we can even begin to imagine today.

While achievement of success may not have been much in our history recently, there’s always today to begin putting solid accomplishments on our ledger. Be advised that we will start to feel better about ourselves and our capabilities with each new goal that we achieve. Like a newly planted tree that takes root when given sufficient water, sunshine and is planted in good soil, we will be strengthened, feel more confident, and enthusiastically seek to grow even more.

Getting to this point may take some time, but time is what we’ve got. In fact, living in the present, savoring our new life in sobriety and all the opportunity and promise that it holds, should give us sufficient motivation to get busy today. Act, and do so with enthusiasm and commitment. The results we obtain will fuel us to do even more. In fact, what we can accomplish when we put our minds and our backs to is, will be nothing short of amazing.


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When Things Get Rough…

12/18/2014

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"If you’re going through hell, keep going." – Winston Churchill, Minister of Britain during World War II (1940-1945) and again from 1951-1955, statesman, orator, historian, writer and artist (1874-1965)

One thing we know quite a bit about is how bad things have been for us in the past. During the worst moments of our addiction, we likely felt as if we were at the bottom of a very deep pit, one that we felt incapable of climbing out of.

Sometimes, we may feel that way still.

Despite all the eloquent words and reassuring comments from others, when the feeling of having hit a wall comes upon us, there’s nothing like it, is there? We want to run away and hide, to do anything to get out from under that terrible feeling. Nobody else can know what we’re going through, isn’t that how we feel? Even if others say they understand, how can they? They’re not in our shoes. They can’t know what it feels like?

If we find ourselves falling into this trap, that’s just our rationalization talking. It’s our inner voice that’s trying to summon us, calling us back into our old addictive ways. What we need to do is learn how to recognize this voice, and give it the boot. Don’t listen to it, for if we do, we’ll just find numerous reasons why we can’t go forward in recovery. We’ll find ourselves saying things to ourselves and others like, "It’s too hard. I can’t make it. I never thought it would be this difficult. I don’t have it in me. You don’t understand…" and on and on.

What a lot of hooey. On the face of it, sure, everyone has problems. There’s not one person in the rooms of recovery who hasn’t thought about how tough this is, this new life of sobriety. We each have our challenges and issues, and, yes, some of them are fairly specific to our individual circumstances. That doesn’t mean that they’re any less rough than the experiences of others, however. Far from it, in fact. If something causes us a problem, then it’s a problem until we learn how to deal with it. That’s the way life goes, and it’s the same thing in recovery.

We will learn as we go how to deal with this or that issue, challenge, obstacle or opportunity. In fact, the more we can look upon experiences that we previously thought of as problems and think of them as opportunities, the more we’ll find that we’re growing.

Of course, in the middle of a huge problem, none of this is going to come top of mind. While we’re struggling to get through some extraordinarily tough issues, for us, at least, all we want to do is make it through. That’s where the advice from recovery experts to keep on going makes a lot of sense. We do want to get past this and somehow learn something from it. Even if what we learn is that our best course of action is to avoid that particular person, place or thing in the future – that’s knowledge that will prove beneficial in our recovery journey.

Sometimes what we’ll learn as we endure a rough patch is that we are more capable than we’ve given ourselves credit for. It was a tough thing to go through, to be sure, but we did it. We didn’t fall apart. We didn’t resort to using again. We kept our resolve, even though it may have been the most difficult thing we’ve ever had to do.

If we’re being honest with ourselves, we made it through with a little help from our friends. If we were cognizant of the immense support and encouragement of our sponsor and fellow 12-step group members, we likely took advantage of this incredible network. Just being around others who have gone through some pretty horrific experiences and came out successfully on the other side is a kind of encouragement that we’d never be able to come up with on our own.

Beyond that, the shared sense of purpose is a tremendously uplifting part of our overall recovery process. Keep in mind that each day only has 24 hours. When something is seemingly intolerable, endless or painful, whatever it may be, if we can keep going today, for 24 hours, tomorrow will be different. We will have made it through a day, despite all our fears that we couldn’t. We may not have the solution after 24 hours, but the situation, the circumstance, will look and be a little different.

Ask for help from others where and when we need it. But do keep on going. It is, after all, the only way that makes sense, the only way that we’ll continue to make progress toward our goals in recovery.


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Take Away the Weight of Fear

12/11/2014

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“No power is strong enough to be lasting if it labors under the weight of fear.” – Cicero, ancient Roman statesman, lawyer, philosopher, writer and scholar (106 B.C.E. – 43 B.C.E.)

How often have we allowed fear to stop us from attempting a goal, working on a task, trying something new, venturing into unknown territory? Fear is a tremendous spirit-quencher. It robs us of energy, saps our creativity, threatens our sanity, and jeopardizes our sobriety. Fear is like a leech, sucking the blood right out of us. Tapped of motivation, unable to move or to make a decision, afraid to make a wrong move, fear permeates our entire being to the point where we seem frozen in time. We cannot move forward. We’re terrified of moving backward. We remain stagnated and lost under its weight.

Beyond all these negatives, fear has the profound ability to become even stronger over time. In effect, it becomes heavier on our minds. The longer we give in to fear, the more formidable it becomes.

For those who suffer right now with fear, or know someone in recovery who does, what can be done about it? How can we eliminate or vanquish fear so that it doesn’t retain the stronghold over our lives that can often make life seem impossible to bear?

This is no easy task, to be sure. Many psychiatrists, psychologists and addiction treatment specialists have attempted to help their clients overcome fear. It isn’t something we can do away with overnight, but it does help to have someone objective to talk with who can help us sort out what is unreasonable fear, that is, fear without a basis, from what is simply fear of the unknown. We may have a combination of both, or one or the other, depending on time and circumstance.

With the help of a professional, we can begin to work on our fears. There may be some desensitization therapy, called eye movement desensitization reprocessing (EMDR) that has been so effective in treating patients with trauma. The National Institute of Mental Health lists EMDR as an effective treatment for post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

In order to overcome fear, we have to be willing to face it. By so doing, we rob it of its power over us. This doesn’t automatically erase the fear. Everyone has some kind of fear. The unknown can be a scary proposition. We don’t know what is ahead for us. None of us does. But that doesn’t mean that we allow fear to take over and dictate what we’ll do or not do, who we will meet or refuse to meet, what challenges we will take on or steer clear of.

Fear keeps us from doing anything that may make us happy. It can prevent us from meeting new people and possibly falling in love because we’re afraid we’re not good enough or unattractive or not rich enough or don’t have the right education or live in the wrong zip code. It can stop us from seeking a promotion at work or applying for a new job or branching out and going after a new career in another discipline.

List what it is that we are afraid of. Examine whether it is a realistic fear or one that exists solely in our mind. Next, list all the things that we want to do. If, while we are making out this list of wants and desires a thought pops into our head that we can’t possibly succeed in that endeavor, that is fear talking. Acknowledge that what we want to do may be risky and involve some challenges, but if we truly want it, we will find a way to get there. This stops fear in its tracks, leaving it nowhere to go.

Back to the list of things we are afraid of, now it is time to look through them and see how many of them are really off-shoots of some other fear. Group as many of them together as possible since the idea is to simplify what we are afraid of. This exercise also helps us identify patterns.

What do the remaining consolidated fears have in common, if anything? Once we know what we are afraid of and what situations or circumstances prompt the fear, then we can begin putting together a plan for overcoming those fears. Many therapists say that fear comes from not knowing what we should do in a particular situation. So, at this point, start listing the different ways to handle situations where we encounter fear.

Suppose, for example, that we’re deathly afraid of being alone the rest of our lives, that because of our addiction and all the time we have lost as a result, we have become isolated, poor at communicating, fearful of being rejected. Lump all these fears together and we’re likely sitting at home feeling sorry for ourselves instead of getting out there and taking constructive action to remedy our loneliness.

As for what we can do to remedy these fears, let’s just talk hypothetically. We may, for example, put on our list that we will try to make eye contact and have a friendly greeting with the cashier at the grocery store, with the server at the restaurant, with the gas station attendant, with fellow church members during services. If we make the effort to step outside our comfort zone, what is the worst that could happen? The other party may not reciprocate, but the likelihood is far greater that they will.

What if we have the best intentions but forget what we’ve planned to do the next time fear stops us from living the way we want to live? This shouldn’t be considered a dead end. In this case, remember that we have a purpose. We want to live a happy, healthy and productive life in sobriety. Everything that we do is geared toward that end. Having a sense of purpose, goals that we are willing to work hard to achieve, will help us move past our fears and remove their power over us.

Why let fear control our lives? When we have the strength and courage to face our fears, this is the first step toward dissipating their hold over us. Since we have embarked upon this journey of recovery, learning how to conquer fear is a valuable lesson that will benefit us now and all the rest of our lives.



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One Step at a Time – One Day at a Time

12/4/2014

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"One may walk over the highest mountain one step at a time." – John Wannamaker, United States businessman, considered the father of the department store (Wannamaker’s) and modern advertising (1838-1922)

How often do we really stop and think how some people seem to be able to accomplish the seemingly impossible task and others are barely able to make it through the day? If we are being totally honest with ourselves, let alone others, we will admit that we cannot help but wonder how some people seem blessed and capable of doing almost anything – while we find ourselves struggling far too often.

The truth is that none of us knows what goes on in someone else’s mind. They may tell us how they accomplished this feat or tackled that challenge or successfully worked that Step, but those are only words. We can’t see into their minds. We don’t know the inner doubt and secret fears that they go through. But we can feel fairly certain that everything doesn’t always go smoothly for them. It may only seem like it does. The difference is that people who accomplish great things – in our eyes as well as the eyes of the world – do so with a mindset and an approach that is akin to taking it one step at a time or, more to the point, taking it one day at a time.

Let’s look at the quote from John Wannamaker again. Here was a man who came up with the idea and put it into effect to create the department store – and promote it like there was no tomorrow. With the concept so long in existence now, it may seem hard to think of a time when there weren’t big department stores like Macy’s and Sak’s and Bloomingdales or big-box stores like Costco and Walmart and Sam’s Club. Back in John Wannamaker’s day, there were no such conveniences. There were little shops, mom-and-pop outfits, that sort of thing. But John Wannamaker had a dream, figured out a way to bring that dream into reality, and took things one step at a time, building upon what he created day after day.

So it is with our efforts in recovery. We don’t start off at the top, knowing everything there is to know about the best way to accomplish our recovery efforts. We often don’t have a clue when we first walk through the door and into the rooms of recovery groups. At first, we’re scared, unsure, and likely having to shed a lot of misguided preconceptions about what this whole recovery thing is all about. But we find ourselves welcomed, accepted, and we gradually allow some of what we hear to sink into our consciousness and find room to grow.

It is from this small and seemingly inconsequential start that we begin our new life in recovery. It also helps when we find ourselves staring at a list of all the things that we want to do in recovery, or are told that are necessary in recovery, and feel that this is just too much for us to be able to undertake. Just remember to take it slow. Absorb what we can each day and make it a point to learn something new. One day, one step at a time. That’s how we measure our progress in recovery. That’s how our recovery foundation gains strength and our spirit begins to lift with each and every success we achieve.


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