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Addiction in the family: How to stop enabling behavior

3/26/2015

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When the addict gets high, does your family stop what they are doing to go into crisis intervention mode? Learn how to stop this behavior and help your loved one by being on the same page with your family. Then, we invite your questions, comments or feedback at the end of the article. In fact, we try to respond to all legitimate inquiries with a personal and prompt reply.

When You Want Him/Her To Get Clean…


When my husband was going on a drug binge, everything stopped. You could hear the sound of a pin drop in my home while I awaited his call and his safe return. Mothers, fathers, cousins and friends from both our families would stop what they were doing. We all wanted to help my husband get home and get clean. We promised each other that we were on the same side and our goal was to get him help. When things were over we all went our separate ways and continued our personal relationships with the addict as they were before. We started exhibiting classic signs of enablers: I picked up the slack at home with our child, and other responsibilities; his mother kept telling him his addiction was not his fault but his father’s fault; his friends told him he would be fine, he just needed to slow down; and the addict continued to manipulate all of us, just as he did before.

What Is Enabling?


What are some examples of enabling behavior? Enabling is doing anything that directly or indirectly helps the addict be able to use drugs or alcohol. Examples: 1. If you give the addict money to pay a bill and they actually pay a bill, you are still enabling. If they were not using drugs, they probably would be able to pay their own bills. You are helping them be able to get high by enabling their irresponsibility. 2.If the addict gets kicked out of their home and has no place to go and you let them stay with you, you are enabling their addiction. 3. If you make excuses for their drug abuse like, “He had a rough childhood,” or, “He grew up without a father” or, “He was abused as a child,” then you are enabling. Even if we think we are helping an addict, sometimes this behavior can really be enabling.  Instead of making him or her accountable for their actions you are blaming something else. This puts the addict in the position of victim and they will use this over and over again to play on your sympathies. So, how do you stop enabling?

Make It STOP!


If you are sticking to your boundaries with an addict and someone else in the family keeps posting bail or giving them money or food, then the addict still has a way to get high. An addict will most likely not stop using unless they have to. To STOP the enabling, you must break down its structure or the system that makes it possible. Each person involved in the addict’s life is a part of the enabling structure.  When you start to take away pieces of the structure eventually the structure will fall. To empower the family you must destroy the current system that makes it possible for the addict to use. Here is what you need to know:
  1. This will not work unless everyone is on board.
  2. This will not work if we all say we are remaining strong but one of the family members is secretly helping the addict.
  3. There should be a set of rules and boundaries in regard to dealing with the addict.
  4. Everyone needs to be on the same page at all times.
  5. The first person to break the rules can shatter the progress made.

Realizing Your Part

As hard as it is, every friend and family member must express what they are doing to “help” the addict. You must identify those behaviors and how they are actually helping the addict get high. Once all of the information is out there, then you can set up rules for what appropriate interaction with the addict should be for everyone. For example, no one can provide a place to stay when the addict gets kicked out of their apartment. When talking to the addict on the phone, no one should engage in “victim-like” discussions allowing the addict to place blame for their drug abuse. The rules will help keep your family focused on the end goal; allow the addict to hit rock bottom. The more family and friends that are involved the better the outcome. Some loved ones may think this is hurting or abandoning the addict but you can discuss that end goal is sobriety and in the addict’s best interest.

Get Help


An intervention specialist, a family group therapist, Al-anon, and community support groups are available to help the family. I recommend finding an outside party or a motivated family member to head the initiative. It is helpful to have a go-to person to keep the family on track with knowing what is and what is not enabling behavior. Finally, I recommend that you read the article “Zero Tolerance for Drug Abuse: Lessons for Families” for helpful approaches to take with an addict. And leave any questions your have in the comments section below. I’ll do my best to respond to you ASAP.

By: Amanda Adruzzi 
Photo Credit: Rupert Ganzer
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How to identify alcoholism

3/19/2015

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Identifying alcoholism

Your chances of a successful recovery from substance addiction occur most often when you can identify and treat alcohol or drug abuse and addiction early. So, the sooner an alcoholic becomes self-aware of the problem, or close ones point it out, the chances for successful recovery are greater. Unfortunately, many alcoholics don’t realize that they have a problem until it’s too late – until addiction has consumed their lives.

Learn how to identify addiction to alcohol here. And know what steps you can take once alcoholism has been diagnosed by a specialist. Then, we invite your questions about alcoholism and its treatment at the end.

How to tell if someone has alcoholism


Medical doctors or licensed psychologists diagnose alcoholism. This process usually involves a physical and psychological examination. To tell if someone has alcoholism, doctors will also usually ask a possible alcoholic several questions about their alcohol use to determine if they have a problem. But even during initial screening, alcoholics may not tell the entire truth. So how can you observe and tell if someone is alcoholic?

Some of the most common signs of alcoholism can include:

  • a “need” for alcohol to function or get through a day
  • alcohol dependence and withdrawal symptoms when a person does not drink for several hours or longer
  • avoiding activities and situations that don’t involve alcohol
  • failed attempts to quit drinking despite the problems it causes
  • family, work, school, or legal problems caused or exacerbated by alcohol
  • hiding alcohol use
  • increased tolerance to alcohol
  • irritability and mood swings
  • making excuses to drink
You’ve identified alcoholism…what now?
  1. If you suspect that a loved one is alcoholic, you can plan an intervention to confront them with your concerns. When planning an intervention, group together with other friends and family and decide on a time and place for the intervention, and plan what to say. You should also decide on what to do if the alcoholic will not quit drinking.
  2. Denial of alcoholism is not unusual. In fact, many alcoholics refuse to face this reality, because they aren’t ready for treatment or aren’t willing to admit that they have a problem. Others may be in denial because they believe that struggling with alcoholism is something to be ashamed of. Accepting alcoholism, though, is the first step toward treatment and recovery.
  3. The next step after accepting alcoholism is treatment. In order to do this, an alcoholic must first meet with an addiction specialist to discuss the best options for treatment. Depending on their individual situations and needs, alcoholics may opt for either inpatient or outpatient alcohol treatment. While inpatient is considered to be slightly more intensive and effective, it is also more expensive and time consuming.
  4. During recovery, it’s important for an alcoholic to have a strong support system made up of understanding family members and friends. Keeping the lines of communication open and flowing at this stage is essential to the health of these relationships and even the success of the treatment. In some cases, family counseling can also help alcoholics and their loved ones re-establish bonds and heal together.
Help for alcoholism questions

Getting help for alcoholism can be intimidating and even a little frightening for many. If you or a loved one needs help for alcoholism, questions are sure to pop up. Keep in mind that you can ask any questions and voice any concerns in our comments section below, however. We’ll do our best to address any issues you may have in a timely manner.


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Addiction recovery ideas for staying on track

3/11/2015

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By: Paul J Wolanin MA, CADC


Turbulence Ahead


It is often times hard to figure out how we have gotten to where we are today. In order to maintain life as is, we must stay on course. In order to change life into what we want it to be, we often must take the storms of life head on and trust we will make it through the other side.

A dear friend of mine is a pilot. He doesn’t fly a commercial airliner, but owns a small stunt plane in which he competes in acrobatic competitions all over Colorado.

Recalling a conversation I had with him some months ago, I can remember asking him several questions, amazed at his daring and adventurous spirit: “What’s that like to be upside down flying a tiny plane? What do you do if you get into a spin and can’t pull out of it? And how the heck did you learn all those maneuvers?”

His response was fairly simple, given my complete ignorance regarding airplanes and my dislike of flying in general. He basically told me that “Everything matters; every single little adjustment you make in the air does SOMETHING to the way the plane flies. I just make sure I don’t get too far off my flight path and I trust my equipment. I make small adjustments as I need to and don’t really worry about it; then I hold on and enjoy the ride.”

Getting Off Course Doesn’t Happen Overnight



At the time I thought wow, that’s pretty cool, but definitely not for me. It wasn’t until just recently that I was thinking again about life and my own recovery and for some reason this conversation reemerged in my thoughts. I know that in my life, I’ve sometimes wondered how the heck I put on 15 pounds over the winter, let my spiritual life go astray, or how I’ve lost touch with my friends. If I’m honest with myself, getting “off course” in life did not happen overnight. Straying off course is almost always very gradual and sometimes happens without my permission, or does it?

If I am HONEST with myself (that’s important), I will almost always find that my transition into a full-on nosedive in my life is not happening on accident. It is happening because I’ve gotten comfortable and stopped making the little adjustments as I go. I might have gotten lax on meeting attendance. I may have gone too many days without adequate sleep. I may have missed workouts or just time with friends. If I’m able to make little adjustments to my day as I go (think the 10th step) then I’m less likely to find myself stuck in a storm. Good relapse prevention is about maintenance.

A Practice For You: A Journaling Assessment


This next little exercise might sound like it is meant for a kindergartener, but trust me it works. If it will make you feel better, do this in the comfort of your own home so nobody will know!?

FIRST, I’d like you to draw a cockpit in an airplane, it could just as easily be the dashboard in a car, a motorcycle or whatever. Pick whichever you’d like.

NEXT, I want you to draw a fuel gauge, a compass gauge, a speedometer, radio, odometer, and so on. This will be something you will be referring to for days, weeks and months to come, so take your time and be creative.

NEXT, I want you to write out FUEL, DIRECTION (compass), SPEEDOMETER, RADIO, and ODOMETER.

1. FUEL

I want you to journal about how much fuel is in your tank. How much sleep are you getting? How is your diet and exercise regimen? How does your 12-step or support meeting attendance look? Where is your spiritual life? The amount of FUEL in your tank directly corresponds to these areas. If your tank is getting close to “E”, then you know it is time to start making some adjustments in this area.

2. DIRECTION

What direction are you headed in life? Do you wake up with a plan to attack the day, or for the day to attack you? Do you have some positive things planned to enhance your life and recovery? Remember that 24 hours is MANAGEABLE. You can do a lot with 24 hours but you must plan, plan, and plan. A plane takes off with a destination in mind. You should wake up and do the same.

3. SPEEDOMETER

As for the speedometer, how quickly are you moving through your day? Does Friday come the day after Monday and leave you wondering where the days in between went? If this is the case, it is an indication to SLOW DOWN, roll off the throttle and consult your control tower (Higher Power, who or whatever that is).

4. RADIO

The radio represents your thoughts. What stations are playing in your mind? Worry? Regret? Fear? Just like a car or an airplane you are free to change the channel whenever you’d like. REMEMBER: Our thoughts produce our emotions and our emotions drive our actions. If you’d like to learn more about this concept, feel free to check out my other articles here on the Addiction Blog.

5. ODOMETER

Lastly, the odometer tells you how far you’ve traveled. This is time for reflection, meditation and prayer. It is necessary to reflect and inventory our lives so that the miles ahead of us can be productive.

There Is No Perfect Flight



Remember that there is no such thing as a perfect flight. All of the times I’ve flown I’ve always encountered something:  A delay, lost luggage, bad airport food or my least favorite of all the pilot getting over the loudspeaker announcing BUCKLE UP! TURBULENCE AHEAD!

If you would like to receive my newsletter full of tips and tools to keep your recovery on course, you can visit my website at addictionindustries [dot] com and sign up for the free newsletter. Thanks and have a good flight!

Paul

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A healthy diet in addiction recovery

3/4/2015

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By: Suzi Martel

Nutritious, caloric-ally appropriate meals should be part of the recovery regimen, in order to manage risk factors related to relapse. How can you balance problems with mood, the central nervous system, vital organs, or sleep? We review here. Then, we invite your questions about diets for addiction recovery at the end.


A Healthy Diet In Recovery Restores Mind And Body


Just as individuals with cardiac disease or diabetes have specific risk factors that can be addressed by diet, individuals with substance abuse issues also display particular symptoms that can be addressed by sound nutrition in recovery. Significant deficiencies in vitamins and minerals, which often come as a result of substance abuse, can eventually damage vital organs, as well as the immune and nervous systems. By analyzing and boosting missing nutrients, the physical body begins to mend. Unstable moods and memory loss can also be repaired with the help of a solid plan for nutrition in recovery. Poor sleeping patterns, also typical with substance abuse, may also be addressed through diet.

Good nutrition in recovery has many benefits. The right foods help cleanse the body. Stress is handled better and mood swings diminish. The body gains strength which makes it easier to carry out more difficult physical and mental tasks. The body and mind heal and an overall healthier lifestyle replaces the poor eating habits typical of those in the throes of substance abuse. Changing one’s eating habits takes time, but continual practice will eventually lead to a life focused on healthy choices. Additionally, eating right can be part of plan to prevent addiction relapse through self-care.

Consider, too, that diet is a concern not only in the initial stages of recovery, it’s important to long-term maintenance of abstinence from harmful substances. As recent medical research points out, the possibility of relapse may be diminished when an individual is engaged in balanced eating habits that include necessary nutrients. Consulting a health care professional such as a dietitian will help determine specifically what diet is best for an individual’s particular risks, needs and predilections throughout a lifetime of continuous abstinence.

What Is Sound Nutrition In Recovery?


Most nutrition programs for those in recovery consist of all the elements in any balanced diet. This will include plenty of vegetables and fruits, grains, low fat meat or alternative proteins. You’ll also want to limit processed foods and watch your salt intake. There is also a way to target what your body really needs; a thorough analysis of someone’s vitamin and mineral levels help determine where to boost certain food nutrients or supply supplements. Experts also point out that the way a body and mind are affected by substance abuse depends largely on the substance itself. It’s important to determine exactly what areas of a diet require a boost.

While an individual plan can benefit you most, there are a few general rules that apply when it comes to nutrition in recovery. These include the following:

1. Consistency. Mealtimes should be consistent, eaten at a regular time each day. This is not only good for the body, it helps build discipline into a daily routine.

2. Stable blood-sugar levels. Healthy snacks can help stabilize blood sugar, which is critical to a stable mood. A boiled egg, nuts, raw vegetables, or any other low-calorie, non-sugar snack can take care of the mood dips that might come between meals. Eating light, more frequent meals can also help.

3. Avoid peaks in energy. Caffeine and sugar should either be eliminated or drastically reduced, as they can cause mood fluctuations.

4. Try new foods. Recovering individuals should eat healthy foods they like and experiment with foods they’ve never tried or have never liked before, new healthy favorites might be discovered that way.

5. Break out of unhealthy patterns. Bad eating habits can be just as hard to give up as drugs or alcohol, so it may be smart to move gradually to changes in diet that will promote long-term recovery. The best relapse prevention strategies include slow but steady progress.

Make Nutrition In Recovery A Priority


Just as with any new initiative, persistence and commitment will result in positive results. So while you may not notice any major changes in as little as a week, after a month or two of healthy eating…you will probably feel totally different! And, if you need help, we suggest that you seek the professional expertise of a licensed nutritionist, life coach, or a licensed clinical psychologist. These health professionals can help you set and achieve your goals in a healthy, positive way.

In fact, we invite you to share your tips or experiences about healthy eating in addiction recovery below. We try to respond to all legitimate comments or questions with a personal and prompt reply.


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