Keeping The Peace: Tools For Staying Calm In An Alcoholic Home
Rage, tears, yelling, screaming, slammed doors, shattered glasses, shattered lives: this is one experience of an alcoholic home. Others may be more subtle but just as destructive with:

• hidden shame and lies
• family secrets
• unspoken commands to speak quietly, never criticize, or to stay out of the way after Mom or Dad or Uncle have had a few glasses

The rules that have to be managed for surviving in an alcoholic home can be overwhelming and frequently leave you emotionally crippled, stressed, and anxious. So if you are living in a home with alcoholism, or as many people are right now preparing to go visit the family home over the holidays what can you do to stay calm, to take care of yourself, and to maintain your own peace in the midst of the chaos?

3 Strategies For Dealing With Alcoholics In The Family
​These three strategies can be used together or independently to bring a little more calm to your own life whatever else is going on around you!

1. Be aware of what is going on for you.
Notice the point at which you get stressed, what family behaviors trigger that? Do you always feel your shoulders tighten when Dad dips into the eggnog for the second cup? Do you start to get short-tempered when Mom pops open the extra bottle of champagne? Noticing how the actions around you impact your experience allows you to start making choices about how to take care of yourself, the first step though is to be aware.

2. Accept what you have control over (and what you don’t).
You can hide all the alcohol, you can throw a big fit to divert attention, you can strategically empty glasses when people aren’t looking, but none of this kind of behavior changes the fundamental issue or dealing with an alcoholic environment. You can’t make an alcoholic drink and you can’t stop them from drinking beyond using lies and trickery of your own.

So what can you do?

Manage your own behavior. Avoid getting pulled in to conflict by staying quiet, resist the urge to protect people from their own choices, practice taking care of yourself by being aware of what you need to feel comfortable.

3. Take action to take care of yourself.
If you know that being with the family for more than two hours always leads to a big fight, leave after an hour and a half. If things are totally unpredictable and you never know when things are going to get out of control have a back-up plan, go for a walk, bring an art project you can quietly work on, retreat to your room. Remember that getting involved in the chaos is a choice, you can also choose actions that get you out of the chaos.

You Have Choices!
Living with alcoholics or coming from an alcoholic family means that you might be too comfortable with chaos, stress, and insanity. It doesn’t mean that you have to stay comfortable with that and that there are no other choices for how to live.
​
Every interaction we have is ultimately up to us to affirmatively decide to have. It might make us sad to not be with family but it might also make us feel terrible to be with them. It’s up to each of us to decide what is right for our lives, to choose that path and to embrace the opportunity for peace that making that choice brings.

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We are still not certain whether substance abuse causes homelessness or homelessness causes substance abuse. However, it is clear that homeless individuals are one demographic that is more likely to need addiction treatment.

What treatment options are available to the homeless? And where can a homeless person get help for addiction?  We review here. Then, we invite your questions about addiction treatment for the homeless at th end.

The Homeless and Addiction Treatment
Although it’s difficult to accurately pinpoint the number of homeless individuals who abuse drugs or alcohol with any certainly, recent studies have estimated the nearly half of all homeless individuals are substance abusers. This demographic has a much higher rate of substance abuse than the rest of the general population.

Homeless men and women are also much more likely to suffer from mental health disorders such as depression, mood disorders, and schizophrenia.

Options for the homeless and addiction treatment vary, but treatment for this demographic should include the following services.

1. Educational and vocational services help homeless individuals become more independent and self-sufficient after treatment.
2. Health services, such as routine checkups and medical services.
3. Mental health services, including addiction treatment as well as treatment for other mental health problems.
4. Residential services and beds, giving homeless individuals a safe place to live during treatment.

Homeless Drug Addiction Treatment
Despite the extra help that homeless individuals need during addiction treatment, the basics of homeless drug addiction treatment are generally the same as other types of treatment. For instance, homeless individuals are usually assessed before they go through detox and complete an addiction treatment program. Aftercare is another very important part of homeless drug addiction treatment.  The steps in providing addiction treatment for the homeless are:

1. Assessment is the first step in homeless drug addiction treatment. This first step allows addiction treatment specialists to determine the extent of a homeless individual’s addiction treatment. The initial assessment is also the time when an addiction treatment care plan is created, which outlines the type and duration of treatment and services needed.
2. Detox is a period of time in which a homeless person’s body attempts to get rid of any remaining substances. This usually results in uncomfortable and sometimes dangerous withdrawal symptoms. Homeless individuals should typically go through detox in a dedicated detox facility under medical supervision. Not only does this reduce the risk of relapse, but it also allows doctors to supervise individuals during this time to help ensure their comfort and safety.
3. Treatment for drug addiction is multi-faceted and requires a great deal of time and hard work. Homeless drug addiction treatment often includes individual behavior therapy and group therapy. Some homeless drug addiction treatment programs may include the use of medications to help alleviate some of the cravings for drugs.
4. Social services are another important aspect of homeless drug addiction treatment. Homeless individuals in addiction treatment will often have access to educational, vocational, financial, and residential social services. These services help prepare homeless individuals to become self-sufficient and remain drug-free.
5. Aftercare is the last step in homeless drug addiction treatment. Aftercare services can include weekly outpatient counseling sessions, group therapy sessions, and a stay in a transitional living facility. Homeless individuals with underlying mental health problems should also continue seeing a mental health specialist and taking any prescribed medication. Eventually, with their drug abuse behind them, many homeless individuals are able to move on and live productive lives.

Homeless Addiction Treatment Barriers
Not surprisingly, homeless individuals face a number of barriers to addiction treatment. Some of the more common homeless addiction treatment barriers are listed below.

• Denial
• Fear or distrust of authorities
• Financial difficulties
• Lack of insurance
• Unsure of where to turn to

Addicted Homeless
​Even addicted homeless individuals have places and people to turn to when they need substance abuse treatment. One of the first places that homeless individuals can turn to are local homeless shelters. Employees and volunteers in these shelters will often be able to point them in the right direction. Most homeless shelters and have pamphlets and other information available for addicted homeless individuals who are in need of addiction treatment.

Hospitals and community clinics are also good places for homeless individuals to turn to when they are looking for addiction treatment. Not only can these facilities point homeless individuals in the right direction, but they may also be able to help them figure out how to cover the cost of treatment as well.

Homeless Addiction Questions
If you or a loved one have any questions regarding homelessness and addiction or addiction treatment, feel free to leave a comment below. We try to address all questions and concerns in a timely manner, and we look forward to helping you and your loved one through this difficult time.

What to expect during Christian rehab
Christian based drug rehabs offer addicts a Christian faith centered approach to recovery from addiction. These types of drug rehab programs are designed for addicts with a belief or interest in Christian principles. Christian based drug rehab programs combine faith-based approaches to recovery, such as Bible study and prayer, with more traditional drug rehab services, many of which are listed below.

But what can you expect during the treatment process? The main stages of rehab treatment follow. 

STEP 1: Screening and assessment
When entering a Christian based drug rehab, the first step is undergoing an initial drug screening and assessment. This evaluation is used to determine the extent of a person’s addiction as well as the best course of treatment. Assessment usually includes a combination of interviews/questionnaires, medical testing (blood or urinalysis), and a physical exam with a medical history.

STEP 2: Medical detox
Drug withdrawal is often a very uncomfortable experience, and can sometimes even be dangerous. To help an addict safely and comfortably detox from drugs, medical detox is usually recommended before you enter the educational phase of rehab. Medical detox can be an in-house service offered by rehabs, or you may be referred to a supervised clinic off-site.

STEP 3: The internal treatment of addiction
Addicts who attend Christian based rehab will typically attend several therapy and counseling sessions daily. Bible study and addiction education sessions are typically offered by Christian based drug rehab facilities. These sessions help recovering addicts gain the insight and guidance needed to head down the Christian path to recovery. Prayer sessions are also used to help guide recovering addicts and give them the hope and strength that they need to address psychological and emotional issues.

Prescription medications are sometimes used to treat certain drug addictions, particularly opiate addictions. When taken, these medications help reduce withdrawal symptoms and drug cravings. Each person who attends drug rehab will be evaluated individually for the need for such medications. Keep in mind that these medications work best when you are working on correcting the psychological and behavioral issues which compel drug use.

Additional support services in drug rehab
There is a great deal of support for recovering addicts who complete Christian based drug rehab. For instance, recovering addicts have access to guidance from spiritual leaders as well as access to social services, such as help with employment, housing, and finances. Christian based suppot groups such as Celebrate Recovery meet across the U.S. Additionally, your home church family can help refer you to study groups or small groups that can help support you.

What to expect after Christian based drug rehab
Many recovering addicts wonder what to expect after Christian-based drug rehab. The truth is, the long road to recovery is not over when a person completes a rehab treatment program. Making the transition back into society after any time in a drug rehab can be very difficult for some recovering addicts. An addiction aftercare program can make this process a little less stressful.

After successfully completing an inpatient rehab program, recovering addicts will typically attend several outpatient therapy sessions. If necessary, they may also spend time living in a transitional living facility, or halfway house. These houses offer them a safe drug-free environment to live in until they can get back on their feet. Christian-based drug rehab facilities will also refer recovering addicts to organizations and groups that offer much needed supportive services, such as vocational training and peer group counseling.

 What to expect when visiting someone in Christian based drug rehab
Support from loved ones is strongly encouraged during drug rehab, and most Christian-based drug rehab programs do allow you to have visitors periodically. If your loved one is in treatment, there’s a good chance that you would like to know what to expect when visiting someone in Christian-based drug rehab.

Nearly all rehab programs – Christian-based or not – require that addicts spend a couple weeks settling in and adjusting to the new routine before they are allowed to have visitors. After this, you will most likely be able to visit your loved one on a designated weekend. When visiting someone in rehab, your visits will be kept short, usually only lasting no more than a few hours.

During your visit, you can chat with your loved ones and find out how their treatment is going. You may also be asked to participate in family counseling sessions or prayer group meetings during your visit. Addiction education sessions are also usually offered to visitors. These sessions are a great way for loved ones to learn more about addiction in general and learn what they can do to support and help addicts along the long road to recovery.

Can you leave Christian based drug rehab before completion?
Like other types of addiction treatment, Christian-based drug rehab is entirely voluntary. This means that technically anyone can leave rehab before completion. Quitting rehab early, though, is not recommended for several reasons.

Addicts who complete rehab are much more likely to obtain the necessary tools and knowledge that they need to maintain sboriety and abstinence. In fact, addicts who leave rehab before completion drastically reduce their chances of a successful recover, regardless of how ready they may feel to leave rehab.

Recovering addicts also typically have a number of other reasons to not leave Christian-based rehab before completion, some of which are listed below.

• Fewer financial difficulties
• Reduced risk of drug-related health complications
• Preventing drug-related legal issues
• Reestablishing trust and relationships with loved ones
• Becoming more productive
• Strengthening their faith​

Emotions In Addiction Recovery
Happy, sad, grumpy, excited, nervous, giddy – these are all things we feel at one time or another and none of them are forever.  Despite the fact that emotions are transitory, we have this sense that they are permanent conditions and we end up spending a lot of time in variations on a negative, either:

• Feeling like we are stuck and that we won’t be able to ever get out of what we are currently feeling.
• Being upset because we can’t make a positive emotion last forever.

The first becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, the second is about accepting what is, being fully present in the moment and just being able to do that can help us feel a lot happier more often.

So, what can you do to address your emotional state in addiction recovery? What can you control? And how do you start to feel better? We review here, then we invite your questions about emotional issues in recovery at the end.

Cleaning Up The View
This is a version of a story I heard some years ago in a yoga class: an old man was living in a retirement home and was deeply unhappy. He felt that everything wonderful in the world, everything he loved doing had been lost to him because he was now infirm and spent all of his time alone in his room. He called his grandson to tell him how unhappy he was and ask that he be moved to a place that had more of those things that would make him happy.

His grandson came to visit and see what he could do to help his grandfather. When he arrived he found many people gathered together in the common room singing, playing cards and chatting. He saw that there were lovely courtyards and gardens surrounding the building with people enjoying the park like setting.

He went to his grandfather’s room and found him sitting alone, with the curtains drawn and dusty light filtering in. His grandfather said, “Look around here, it is terrible, dark, dingy and I am shut in here all alone all day”. His grandson went to the window and opened the curtains, he found an old towel and wiped the dust from the windowpanes and opened them to the garden outside. All of a sudden the room was filled with light, bird song and laughter from the people gathered on the lawn.

He wheeled his grandfather into the common room where he was welcomed. By the end of the day the grandfather was smiling and he thanked his grandson for the gift of the day. His grandson said,“It isn’t only today, these things are here everyday, you just have to open yourself to them”.

The moral, my yoga teacher said before ending the class was this: before you change what you are looking at, check what you are looking through.

Changing How We View The WorldThat lesson has stuck with me for a long time, and though it isn’t always easy to remember when you are deep into whatever you are feeling it certainly helps when you do think about it. When we are working to overcome an addiction, we all have a tendency to pronounce the status of the world based on how we feel, and to miss out on great moments because we know they won’t last and are afraid of losing them. But the truth is that no moment lasts forever and that by changing the experience of how we view the world we can also change the experience of how we are in the world.

An Exercise On Perspective
I like to give people this exercise to help with adjusting perceptions.

1. Record your emotional state hourly.
Beginning at 9 in the morning and ending at 8 that night, every hour on the hour stop what you are doing and write down what you are feeling. In between don’t think about how you feel, just go about the business of the day.

2. Review your entries.
The next day look back at your list and the twelve entries you made. Probably there are a few repeats, but probably they also change throughout the day.

3. Put it all into context.
Happiness may not last, but that does not mean it’s never coming back. Sadness, anger and fear also don’t last, especially if we realize that they don’t have to. What is true right now is only true for right now, and we always have a choice about what part of our experience we choose to engage with. Before we rush to change what ever it is that we think we are looking at we need to take the time to check what it is that we are looking through!

Beyond Rehabilitation: What To Expect From Someone In RecoveryThe addict has finished an inpatient program and is clean and sober. You have gone through the hard part and think that the worst is over. We will discuss what you should expect, be aware of, and understand about recovery. Then, we invite you to ask questions or share your experience. Send us a message in the comments section below. We’ll try to get back to you personally and promptly.

What You Should Expect In Early RecoveryBecoming clean and sober is the first step in recovery. While at an inpatient rehab program, the addict will only begin to think clearly and deal with why they use drugs. At this point, it is like the addict is waking up from a coma and is only starting from where they left off before the drugs took over. Emotions will be raw and the addict may not be able to handle too much at first. However, you do not want this opportunity of vulnerability to close. Helping an addict open up and deal with the underlying causes of their addiction is what recovery is all about.

The Bare Minimum
An addict should be in active recovery every day. Whichever program they choose, they should be:

• In support group meetings
• In psychotherapy (individual or group counseling)
• And/or following a recovery protocol or relapse prevention plan

These actions need to take place every day for a minimum of one year. If an addict stops the actions needed to maintain sobriety, s/he can easily fall back into old patterns.

An Open Book
An addict who wants to be sober and live a clean life is very observable. If an addict is serious about recovery, their lives will be an open book. The will let you in and not keep secrets or disappear or refuse drug tests or make excuses for why they are acting different.

This is not to say that old patterns are easy to break… but if an addict is ready to move on with their life, they will want everyone to know they are clean and sober. They will not have a reason to hide from friends and family anymore. They may be shameful of their past behavior but honesty will be their number one priority. You will notice a sincerity you have not seen in them since maybe before they became addicted.

Increased Trust Over Time
Family members can expect to still have the old fears and rightfully so, but over time trust will be regained. It is completely normal fear to let an addict to go to the bathroom in your home with the door closed. These fears are real but you must trust your instincts because you will know the minute they are using again.

The Dry Drunk
What happens if the addict is clean and sober but their attitude remains the same? Some refer to this behavior in a recovering addict as a dry drunk. Just because a person can abstain from using drugs, their behavior may be the same as when they were drinking and drugging. A dry drunk is not committed to, nor participating in, a program of addiction recovery.

This could simply be an issue where the addict is angry and has no other way of coping. They might lack coping skills and that is why they used drugs in the first place. They may have underlying anger issues or problems they have yet to address, so they act out instead of use drugs. Most families are so relieved that the drug use is over, they will tolerate just about anything.

If this is the scenario you are experiencing with your sober loved one, then it might be a good idea to insist they seek therapy. You can still create boundaries, much like you did when they were using drugs. You have every right to not be a victim to this type of behavior. We know from experience that forcing an addict to get clean does not work and forcing a dry drunk to get help may not work either, so setting up boundaries and being clear about what you expect is a great way to not repeat the same old cycle you were in before.

The One-Time Relapse
An addict may also relapse. This is a common fear among family members and a very real one. If the addict is not coping in the real world well and finds life to be too overwhelming, their urge to use drugs will be too strong. However, a very high percentage of drug users relapse. It’s actually quite common.

If you find the recovering addict has relapsed, first know that you do not need to shut them out of your lives. You may offer them a way to go back into recovery. Life without drugs may be too much for them to handle. Most people go back to old patterns and what they know best when they feel lost, trapped, or hopeless. This is a sign that the addict may need more help or a different kind of help.  Recovering from a relapse can mean that a person can just get up and return to recovery, but there are addicts to which this behavior is chronic.

The Chronic Relapser
Different from a one-time relapse is the chronic relapser. This person will flip-flop between sobriety and using at a moment’s notice. They will play on your sympathies. They will start to move away from sober living and recovery programs. It is just a matter of time before this person will most likely go back to their full blown addiction. You will have to stay strong and recognize that this person is not ready for recovery. The key is to not let the merry-go-round of addiction and co-addiction start again.

MAIN TIP: Deal In Facts Only
A family may be asking how they will be able to navigate their loved ones recovery, alleviate old fears, and gain trust back. Sometimes, the fear that an addict is clean and will use again is overwhelming. You feel like you are walking on eggshells and you do not want to do anything to possibly set that person off. The truth is, if an addict really wants to be clean, he or she will not make excuses but will be honest and work at their sobriety every single day.

So, to conclude, family members must deal in facts only. So many promises have been broken and there is no trust in the addict and so the family has two things they must understand when an addict comes home. Your gut feeling is your best guide, you know from the past what an active addict looks and sounds like. You know when something is not right or if you are being lied to.

The other key piece is getting the facts. Do not trust or believe an addict for their words, you can only trust the actions you see. If an addict is clean then there should be no excuse as to why they cannot take an impromptu drug test. Who needs drug testing? Anyone who used to take drugs! Do not believe what an addict tells you, even if they are sober, they must show you. There must be proof of what they are saying.

If they are going to an outpatient recovery program then you should be able to be in contact with that program director. If the facts are there, then trust will come in time. This is a rocky period for everyone and establishing a list of things you expect while being supportive may be the best way to get through it.