The Holidays, we are told, are the happiest time of the year. Crisp, cold days, flurries of snow, gathering around the fire and sitting together to enjoy a beautiful meal – these are the images of the ideal from Thanksgiving to Christmas.
Of course, this is not accurate for a lot of people just for practical reasons. Indeed, there are the many people for whom this is not accurate because alcohol, drugs and dysfunction get in the way. Trying to achieve a picture perfect holiday experience can be enormously stressful, as well as depressing. Hoping for the ideal can keep you from enjoying any part of the season.

So how do you get through it all?
A 3-step guide to surviving the Holidays here. Then, we invite your questions, comments, or shouts for help as you are trying to cope with addiction in the family … at the end.

3 Steps To Getting Through The Holidays
Here are three steps for getting through the holidays (Surviving Christmas family time, Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, or the New Year) of and creating room for joy!

STEP 1. Awareness
Movies, media, songs all tell us that this is the time of year for family, for going home to joyous celebrations and being with the people dear to you. But what if going home means spending time with people who are drinking too much, bickering with each other, blowing up into huge fights?

Being aware means taking the time to consider the reality of the situation. It can be useful to write or tell a story about what the holiday experience will be like based on what it has been like. Don’t add opinions; tell the story based on facts.
Another option is to make a list of all the people likely to be there with a short description of their personality or behavior.

Again ,this should not have opinion because we are building knowledge of the reality of the situation not how we feel about it. An example might be, “Aunt Martha: will bring her own brandy to add extra to her eggnog; Uncle John: will drive to church even after drinking a six-pack and having three glasses of wine.”

STEP 2. Acceptance
Once you build awareness, acceptance becomes a little easier. It is important to remember that acceptance does not mean approval or acquiescence. You can accept what is and still not be okay with the situation. The key to acceptance is the acknowledgement that you simply have no power to change the external situation and no control over anyone but yourself.
If this concept is hard for you, as it is for many people, try this: look at a tree and name the color of the leaves (this is awareness), now turn that awareness into a sentence, “The leaves on the tree are green. I can not make them purple.” This is acceptance in its simplest form, acknowledging your power in what is.

Acceptance in alcoholic or addicted families can be enormously difficult because it feels like we are giving up on the possibility of something better or that the behavior itself is acceptable. Accepting reality is not the same thing as saying that the reality is okay, or something that you are willing to participate in. It is about coming to grips with what is real and dealing with that reality honestly and with genuine emotion. Only by accepting the truth of the situation can you make affirmative choices about how you want to engage with the situation and that will allow you to be happy.

STEP 3. Action
The final step in creating room for joy during the holiday season is action. Effective action only occurs when it is third in line. You must first be aware of what is, then accept that reality, and from there you can make a choice about what you want to do within reality.

Go back to our tree with green leaves. You are aware of the color of the leaves, you have accepted that they are green and that you can not make them purple, but you really want a tree with purple leaves. You now have choices:

• You can buy the tree with green leaves because you like it for what it is, even though it isn’t what you originally wanted.

• You can buy the tree and be angry that it isn’t what you wanted.

• You can reject the tree and continue to look for the one you want.

Action is all about knowing what reality is and making an affirmative choice based on that knowledge.
If you know that your alcoholic family will descend into drunken, screaming fights by the time dinner is served than you can make affirmative choices about where you want to be and what you want to do for Christmas. If you stay in denial and hope that this year will look like the Hollywood ideal you aren’t making a true choice and you will very likely spend the evening in anger and resentment. Action is about making the choice that is right for you based on the reality of the situation!

Make Affirmative Choices This Year!
The Holidays are coming and for many of us it starts out as a stressful time of year, not a joyous season. But we do have choices and the first choice is choosing to know our truth, from there we can act based on real expectations and allowing ourselves the option to be happy is a wonderful gift indeed.

Please feel free to share more holiday tips for people in recovery now. We welcome your experiences, worries, or successes in an addicted family with us in the comments section below.

adapted from www.adictionblog.com 

Plenty of people out there will be celebrating Christmas in recovery this year. But, it can be pretty tough. On the one hand, you want to have fun and enjoy the holidays. On the other hand, the fear of relapse or backsliding can really put a damper on that holiday magic. So, what holiday tips for sober people can you keep in mind?

So how do you have a Christmas where you avoid relapse without having to lock yourself in your house? Here’s a seven (7) step plan to make your holiday truly magical.

Step 1: Make A Plan.
People don’t like uncertainty. Still, addiction can be fueled by it. Think H.A.L.T. Never try to be too:

• Hungry
• Angry
• Lonely
• Tired

Make a plan that avoids all of these things. It may not always be possible but do the best you can. The better the plan, the easier it will be to avoid temptation.

Step 2: Fill That Calendar.
Loneliness and isolation are your enemy. Make plans to see clean friends and family often, even multiple times daily. Go out to dinner with someone. Seek parties where non-alcoholic Christmas drinks are on the menu. Or, just get out of the house and join in a healthy group activity. A full calendar makes you feel good and gives you something to look forward to each day.

Step 3: Do Not Skip Meetings.
Your 12 step A.A., N.A. or other support meetings like SMART Recovery or Rational Recovery do not stop during the holidays. In some cases, there are actually more meetings. Get to plenty of them, they will give you that extra support you need.

Step 4: Sweat.
I do not care what type of exercise you prefer, just do it. Run, play sport, walk the dog, climb a tree (not the one at the center of town with all the colourful lights on it, the police frown on that). Exercise can help prevent depression, give you a sense of accomplishment and boost endorphin levels.

Step 5: Avoid Dangerous Places.

There is always that temptation to hang out with old “friends”, visit an old drinking establishment, or go out to a party where you could be tempted. There is nothing positive for you at any of these places. You only risk relapsing by going. So, say, “No.” This is easy to do if you already have a full schedule (refer to step 2).

Step 6: Take Little Steps.
Just the idea of never using again can be tough when you are stressed, angry or just wanting to use. Instead of trying to beat an addiction with sheer willpower, break it down. Stay sober for the next day or even the next hour. Often cravings only last a few minutes and it is much easier to focus on little victories.

Step 7: Have An Exit Strategy.
Always have an excuse ready as to why you need to leave an environment. That way, if you start to feel too stressed or you think you may be in a dangerous place, you can make your excuse and get out quickly. It is sort of like a “Get out of jail free” card. Having an exit prepared early makes it much easier to use in a time of need.

Please Share Your Christmas Struggles With Us. These seven steps are a great framework to help you stay sober but they are not perfect. Use the steps but keep your social support network around you. Your sober friends and family are one of the best tools you have to stay in recovery. They will lift you up when you fall, cheer you on when you succeed and be there for you when you need them.

Enjoy the holidays, and please use the comments section below as an additional support!

www.addictionblog.org 

CAREFUL: Being Indoors Can Get You Down
With the short, overcast days, fewer opportunities to be outdoors, and stress that can come with holiday festivities, it’s easy to get into a winter slump. A slump can quickly turn into the winter blues. The blues can get pretty bad if I’m not careful.
It’s easy to justify being indoors for extended periods of time. Sleeping late and staying under the covers can become a habit. Going to bed early, avoiding social opportunities and neglecting my mental, emotional, spiritual and physical well-being can become commonplace.

Some call it cabin fever. For many of us it’s much more than that. The winter blues become more like a nasty infection that will only get worse if not treated.

The Clinical Diagnosis
There is actually a clinical diagnoses for the winter blues: Seasonal Affective Disorder, or SAD. SAD is basically seasonal depression which manifests in some people when the days get short, cold, and dark. Feeling irritable, sluggish, overly tired, and unmotivated are all clues that we can look for.

Those that struggle with addiction and even those already in recovery can be more at risk than your average person. But take hope! Seasonal Affective Disorder treatments in addiction recovery are out there. And if you want to maintain your sanity this winter, try these seven activities to fight off the blues.

7 Activities To Help You Beat The Winter Blues

1. Get outside.
​Do it now. I don’t care if it’s cold, if it’s snowing or if you don’t feel like getting off the couch. Go outside anyways. Something as simple as going for a twenty minute walk or shoveling your driveway while listening to your favorite tunes can do wonders. Even if it’s gloomy outside, you still get a shot of vitamin D, your oxygen levels increase, your heart pumps more blood and the cobwebs clear from your mind. Don’t let the cold be an excuse. Get up and go.

2. Get up earlier.
Maximize the daylight hours by getting your rear out of bed. While I love sleeping late once and awhile, when this becomes a habit I’m not using all the available daylight to my benefit. Here in Northern Michigan the sun rises around 7:30 and it’s dark by 5. If the sun is up, you should be too.

3. Exercise.
No, going for a ten minute walk or shoveling your driveway doesn’t count. Sorry. I’m talking about breaking a hard sweat. Ideally you should do this every single day. Realistically, if you get some form of vigorous exercise 3-5 times a week you will notice a major improvement in your mood, energy levels, and overall serenity.
Vigorous exercise produces a chemical in the brain called dopamine – the same chemical that’s released by using drugs, alcohol, food, sex, or anything else that is done obsessively. When exercise becomes part of our daily routine, the overall levels of dopamine in our brains increases.

We actually create dopamine reserves that can help us fight off the blues (including the holiday blues). It’s much like canning fruits and vegetables and putting them in the cellar. They’re there when you need them. Bears hibernate. You should not.

4. Stay engaged with family and friends.
No, Facebook does not count. Sorry again. I’m talking about leaving the house and getting together with the people that matter to you.
I don’t care if you go to a Broadway play or just meet for coffee. Get out and engage with other people. Do things. See things. Explore your area. Plan a trip. Go do something you’ve never done to keep life interesting.

Remember, no excuses. Just get moving. Or following some of these suggestions in this addiction recovery guide for the holidays. A great way to stay stuck in the blues is to stay home and do nothing. Don’t do that.

5. Make a gratitude list and add to it daily.
Simple but highly effective. When I got sober this was one of the first things my sponsor told me to do. It works for anyone, addicted, recovering, or not. Write down what you’re grateful for and refer to it daily.

6. Make a schedule and stick to it.
Don’t wake up and not have a plan. That couch looks pretty comfortable, even more so when it’s 20 degrees outside and snowing. Schedule your 12-step meetings, exercise, appointments, social activities and down time so you’re always staying one step ahead of the blues.

7. Supercharge your spiritual life.
Winter is a good time to read. Make this part of your routine as well. Buy a spiritual or self-development book and commit to reading 30 minutes a day. Keeping your mind sharp and feeding it with good, healthy information is a weapon against the blues.