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Having faith in recovery

6/30/2014

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By: Liliann Reid



Hanging On To Faith In Recovery


Life is unpredictable, isn’t it? Things are rolling along; good job, great friends, maybe the best spouse in the world, great kids, money in the bank, and a nice place to go home to at the end of the day. Life couldn’t get any better, right? God sure blessed you and you trust Him to keep the blessings coming.

The Unraveling



And then you see it; this little thread hanging off the tapestry of life that seems to be getting longer day by day. Things start to unravel; the company you work for just down-sized you, you find out your 13 year old is on drugs, your spouse left and wiped out the bank accounts, and now you’re losing your house – your sanctuary.

To add insult to injury you begin to wonder why God abandoned you, so you have a drink to calm your nerves, then another to escape the pain, and another to just not ‘feel’ anymore. And things are rolling along; a few drinks every night to cope, maybe add a couple more at lunchtime to get you through to sundown. Next thing you know, it’s Bloody Mary for breakfast too. A God-shaped hole has opened up.

God doesn’t care; your friends and family don’t care, so you don’t care. You haven’t cared for the past 6 months. Then the doorbell rings. Three of those uncaring friends and your brother stopping by to say hi, see how you’re doin’. The next thing you know they’re talking to you about entering a Christian rehab facility.

Boom – There He Is!


God never left, but you did. Holding onto God’s promise, “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5-6) is not always easy to remember when it feels like the sky is falling. Hang on to this; God never changes and He never leaves – period. But we do leave Him. We lose faith in His ability to help us and protect us when things don’t go our way, on our schedule, or when calamity hits. He never promised an easy life, but He does promise to help us through it.

When exercising ‘other’ options (translate: addiction) to strengthen our resolve to get through it all, entering a Christian rehab facility that focuses on restoring faith during recovery is often the only hope you have left. Attempting to pick up the pieces and get back on track without God decreases the chances of a successful long-term recovery.

Restoring Faith In Recovery



“Without faith, nothing is possible. With it, nothing is impossible.” – Mary McLeod Bethune

Ask yourself this; how BIG is your God? You know the answer. Bigger than any addiction, stronger than any craving, giver of unconditional– unfathomable love, forgiver of every wrong confessed for every believer on earth. Believe it. Restore your faith while in recovery and trust in His word – He always keeps His word.  Find strength in surrender. If you work to restore your faith while in recovery; the rest will fall into place. Turn around, look again. See. There are two sets of footprints there. Yours and His.

The Footprints Prayer



By Leona Lewis


One night I had a dream…

I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord, and across the sky flashed scenes from my life. For each scene I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand; one belonged to me, and the other to the Lord. When the last scene of my life flashed before us, I looked back at the footprints in the sand. I noticed that many times along the path of my life, there was only one set of footprints.

I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in my life. This really bothered me, and I questioned the Lord about it. “Lord, You said that once I decided to follow You, You would walk with me all the way; But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don’t understand why in times when I needed You the most, You should leave me.

The Lord replied, “My precious, precious child. I love you, and I would never, never leave you during your times of trial and suffering. When you saw only one set of footprints, It was then that I carried you.

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Choosing an addiction treatment center: 13 principles + 5 questions

6/23/2014

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Professional Help Is Recommended For Addiction


When addiction is destroying your life or the life of a loved one, professional treatment is often the only hope. Quitting drugs or alcohol on your own generally isn’t advisable because withdrawal can be physically dangerous, and your chances of a sustained recovery are much higher with professional help.

But there are thousands of addiction treatment centers in the world; how do you know which is the right place for you? Some factors will narrow your choices. Your insurance options, out-of-pocket cost, and ability to pay will limit your choices. Also, not all treatment centers will have space for you, as many have long waiting lists.

13 Principles To Ensure Quality Of Care



Once you’ve narrowed down your options and identified a few treatment centers that are accessible to you, it’s time to consider the quality of care. The National Institute on Drug Abuse publishesPrinciples of Effective Drug Addiction Treatment: A Research-Based Guide. It’s recommended that you read and understand this guide before you make any treatment decisions.

Here is an abbreviated version of the guide and its 13 principles:

1. Addiction is a complex but treatable disease that affects brain function and behavior.

2. No single treatment is appropriate for everyone.

3. Treatment needs to be readily available.

4. Effective treatment attends to multiple needs of the individual, not just his or her drug abuse.

5. Remaining in treatment for an adequate period of time is critical.

6. Behavioral therapies – including individual, family, or group counseling – are the most commonly used forms of drug abuse treatment.

7. Medications are an important element of treatment for many patients, especially when combined with counseling and other behavioral therapies.

8. An individual’s treatment and services plan must be assessed continually and modified as necessary to ensure that it meets his or her changing needs.

9. Many drug-addicted individuals also have other mental disorders.

10. Medically assisted detoxification is only the first stage of addiction treatment and by itself does little to change long-term drug abuse.

11. Treatment does not need to be voluntary to be effective.

12. Drug use during treatment must be monitored continuously, as lapses during treatment do occur.

13. Treatment programs should test patients for the presence of HIV/AIDS, hepatitis B and C, tuberculosis and other infectious diseases as well as provide targeted risk-reduction counseling, linking patients to treatment if necessary.

You want to choose an addiction treatment center that believes in the NIDA’s principles. A center’s philosophies regarding addiction treatment should be in line with the Principles of Effective Drug Addiction Treatment, because then you will get the best care with the best chances of guiding you toward a lasting recovery.

5 Questions: Know What To Ask
The NIDA also publishes Seeking Drug Abuse Treatment: Know What to Ask, which suggests five important questions to ask of any addiction treatment center before deciding on it. Here are the recommended questions:

1. Does the program use treatments backed by scientific evidence?

2. Does the program tailor treatments to the needs of each patient?

3. Does the program adapt treatment as the patient’s needs change?

4. Is the duration of treatment sufficient?

5. How do 12-step or similar recovery programs fit into drug addiction treatment?

Choosing Treatment Follow Up



We hope that this description helps you make an informed choice regarding treatment. But if you need more help, please leave your questions or feedback in the comments section below. We do our best to respond to all queries with a personal and prompt response.

By asking the right questions, you’ll be able to determine whether or not a treatment center is the right place for you. Before deciding, you should also try to do some research into the history and reputation of the treatment center you’re considering. Addiction is a life-threatening disease, and it deserves the best treatment you can get.

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Warning signs of relapse

6/16/2014

47 Comments

 
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The disease of addiction never goes away; it only goes into remission. No matter who you are or how long you’ve been sober, relapse is always a possibility. Unlike other diseases, however, relapse doesn’t just happen. Relapse is a process. And it’s better to acknowledge signs of relapse than deal with the consequences after a slip up.

For this reason, self awareness is especially important in recovery (as is increased self-esteem in recovery). You need to continually check in with yourself in order to keep your addiction at bay. Being self-aware will allow you to identify the beginning of the relapse process so that you can stop it in its tracks.

Be Honest With YourselfTo see the warning signs of relapse, you must be honest with yourself and how you’re feeling. Relapse usually begins with unmanaged stress. Everyone experiences stress, and it can either be dealt with or left to fester, grow, and eventually lead to relapse. That’s why it’s so important to recognize stress and learn how to cope with it.

There are also other events and emotions in life that tend to lead to relapse if they’re not handled properly. In order to keep yourself healthy and happy in recovery, you should be on the look out for the following warning signs of relapse:

  • avoiding dealing with problems
  • being excessively bored
  • changes in hygiene or health
  • changes in routine (such as sleeping or eating)
  • conflicts with others
  • criticizing yourself for not being “good enough” or failing to meet your own expectations
  • dwelling on negative emotions, the past, or unresolved issues
  • feeling overly confident in your recovery (believing you no longer need support or treatment)
  • feeling overwhelmed by your life or your emotions
  • isolating yourself
  • major, sudden changes in life (positive or negative)
  • not following your treatment plan
  • obsessive thinking about using drugs or drinking
  • returning to “people, places, or things” (that you associate with drugs or drinking)
Create A Plan To Cope With Stress
If you notice any of those feelings or behaviors in yourself, it’s time to take a closer look at what’s going on. These warning signs indicate a problem that you’re not dealing with, and the stress of it can build until you eventually relapse. You need to identify that problem and create a plan to handle it.

The sooner you catch the warning signs, the better. The longer you ignore them, the closer you’ll get to relapse. It helps to be honest with someone in your support system (family, friends, therapists, sponsors, etc.), and that person can help you stay on track in reaching your goal to resolve the issue that’s putting your recovery in danger.

Relapse is not a requirement of recovery. As long as you know the warning signs and remain self aware and vigilant, you can stay far, far away from the possibility of relapse.

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By Lisa Hann

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How do I help my addict son or daughter?

6/9/2014

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Three Tips For Parenting An Addict

It’s no secret that I own an alcohol and substance abuse treatment center. Indeed, most of my expertise is born from decades of fighting the disease of addiction from the front-lines. And my trenches are full of the men and women who’ve helped me dig them; psychiatric professionals who, like myself, are committed to staving off this malady which threatens our communities.

But the real battle begins at home.

I cannot begin to tell you how many attempts to save the lives of our loved ones are thwarted by family members who are unaware of the roles they play in saving someone’s life. This is not to say that caring for an addict is wrong; in fact, I am saying quite the opposite. The truth is, sometimes the best way to show that you care for the addict is to establish and maintain strong boundaries (which manifest themselves in different ways for different addicts). In many instances, these boundaries represent the addict’s best chance for survival.

To that end, I am positing these,”Three Tips to Parenting an Addict.” They are difficult for many parents because they represent a fundamental change in the familial dynamic of addiction – a drastically new way of doing things that goes against what has been occurring in the home until now – but, I feel these are necessary strategies for the successful treatment of addiction in all of its forms. And, in these instances, one basic principle prevails: If you’ve really got what it takes to save your loved one, it’s going to take everything you’ve got.

1. PLACE A CONDITION ON FINANCIAL SUPPORT

I was a hopeless dope fiend. I used my family’s love and devotion for me to finance my drug addiction. I stole from my loved ones, manipulated my parents, and borrowed from my friends to make sure I got the thing I thought I needed to survive: drugs. But then everyone I cared about got together and intervened on my behavior. One by one, they let me know that they weren’t going to participate in my drug addiction anymore.

And it was my father who threw the final gauntlet: he told me that until I got help, all financial support was going to disappear. I was going to get nothing. Nada. From ANYONE. Which left me with a horrible choice to make: I could either get help and stop tormenting my family and friends or I could walk off into the night and live the life of a homeless person.

Now, you’ve got to understand, I’d been playing these fools for years and years – I immediately ran a cost/benefit analysis in my mind to see if I could continue to use and manipulate them (my mother was a hapless sucker who fell for my tears of need and atonement every time!) but then I saw the look in my father’s eyes and I knew in a heartbeat that he meant every word. My family was drawing a powerful boundary and each and every one of them were committed to maintaining it.

Faced with the reality of having to take care of myself (and feed my own habit), I chose to finally give in and do what it took to get well.

Many parents refuse to see the therapeutic benefits to holding the line like that; they make empty threats (and the addict always knows they’re empty) and buckle when push comes to shove. What they don’t understand is that, every time you cave in, you are actually participating in killing your child. And no parent wants to attend the funeral for a loved one knowing that it was their money or car or enabling behavior that contributed to an overdose. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy, and I certainly don’t want that for you.

2. DO NOT BUY INTO WHAT YOUR CHILD IS TELLING YOU

My kids are big fans of a TV show called BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER, which is about a cheerleader who battles vampires in her spare time. What’s funny about the show, I think, is that every now and again, Buffy will get a boyfriend who will – undoubtedly – get bitten and turned into a vampire. This guy always shows up at her home and knocks on the door and asks to be let in (a vampire, it turns out, cannot enter your home unless invited). But, Buffy usually takes one look at the fellow and sees the fangs and turns him away, no matter how much he cajoles or begs, which strikes me as incredibly wise on her part because she knows she’s not talking to her boyfriend anymore; she’s talking to the thing that killed him.

It’s the same way with the alcoholic or the drug addict. As parents, we always know when our children are “playing us”. We are hip to their white lies and manipulations, but – more often than not – we allow it. We know that they’re telling us they need money for a Disney movie, but they’re actually planning to sneak into the horror movie with their friends, but it’s harmless so we roll our eyes and smile and give ‘em the twenty bucks.

Not so with the addict. We cannot afford to smile and roll our eyes as we dole out the cash and turn the blind eye to what we know is really going on. It is never too late to be a better parent. Never. And sometimes this means refusing to buy into the rhetoric. They will get angry with you, they may even yell at you and say that they hate you, but the odds of them being found in an alley with a needle in their arm will be greatly diminished. And that isn’t even the worst thing that can happen to your child.

Remember the world that we live in. I have two daughters and the thought of someone taking advantage of them because they’re too stoned to defend themselves greatly outweighs my fear of them telling me they hate me. They’re allowed to be angry with me, especially if I’m trying to save their lives. I am, after all, the parent. It’s my job to look after their best interests.

3. REMEMBER TO FORGIVE THEM

Every alcoholic and drug addict does things that they are ashamed of. Even worse, things happen TO them that they are ashamed of. As parents, it falls upon us to walk through these traumatic and emotionally debilitating experiences with our children. Creating a safe, non-judgmental space is a vital part of familial recovery because it is only in this space that the healing can occur. Your child will ask for forgiveness for past transgressions, and it is your responsibility as the parent to forgive them.

Now, this is the tricky part: you need to bear in mind that you are still dealing with an addict. Forgiving them does not mean that you go back to enabling them. Do NOT remove the boundaries. They exist to protect them as well as yourself.

When I ask you to forgive them, what I am asking you to do is not lord their past transgressions over their heads for the rest of your relationship. They’ve suffered enough. You must not repeat (especially in mixed company) their list of crimes over and over again, even in jest, because for the addict, none of it is a laughing matter. If the addict or alcoholic is truly living in recovery, then he or she is doing their part to promote the healing of the family unit. Your part is to stop punishing them and start reintegrating them back into their new lives. We don’t shoot our wounded; we nurse them back into good health.

But vigilance is the key. Hold them, support them, love them and nurture them, but never stop being the parent who remembers the hell you went through to get to where you are now. And always keep a watchful eye out for the Beast Within.

By Dr. Howard Samuels, Author of Alive Again: Recovering from Alcoholism and Drug Addiction
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8 ways to prevent relapse

6/2/2014

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By: Dr. Howard C. Samu

Rationalizing A Relapse

In many 12-Step programs, there is an adage, “Relapse may be part of my Story but it doesn’t need to be part of my Recovery”. And, it sounds great on paper. The truth is, there are many men and women who get clean and sober and stay clean and sober without ever suffering a relapse. But, I was not one of them.

If we were to perform an autopsy on my relapse, you would find a set of universal precursors to my taking that first drink which eventually led up to my sticking a needle in my arm again. And, although I realize that, in hindsight, vision is usually 20/20, I also realize that a primary component of my relapse was my ability to rationalize my behavior, or rather, my ability to rationalize the behaviors that led up to my relapse. Because, like many addicts and alcoholics, I have the uncanny ability to talk myself into taking that first drink, regardless of the consequences.

That said, I have to tell you that I don’t live like that anymore. Because I grew up. So how do you prevent relapse?

Structure Is Important To Addiction Recovery

Re-parenting yourself and then, conversely, policing yourself in sobriety is no mean feat. Men and women who are new to recovery face challenges that, for normal people, seem small and easy to cope with but, for the alcoholic or the drug addict, are almost overwhelming. This is why the newly recovered person needs structure and support in the beginning, and why it is vital for them to accept that they are not like normal people – that they have a very real problem for which abstinence and vigilance are only part of the solution.

8 Simple Ways To Prevent Relapse
To that end, I offer you these 8 simple ways to prevent relapse, either weekday or weekend relapse prevention. But, I’m afraid, I can only offer these tools to you; it is ultimately up to you or the addict/ alcoholic to incorporate them into his or her recovery and use them.

Believe me, I know how hard it is in the beginning. But I can promise you that, as time goes by, the self-esteem that is built from having these components in your life will more than make up for the absence of the substances you’ve been using to destroy yourself. Because, ultimately, it’s about feeling good about yourself.

1. Flex your willpower muscles. Research studies show that willpower can be limited, but only if we believe it is limited. The truth is that temptation is everywhere. However, when you resist one temptation, you can better resist the next one more easily. And, every time you let an urge pass without giving in to it, you strengthen your neural connections so that, with time, it gets easier to resist those urges. Long story short: you are only as strong as you will let yourself be.

2. Be proactive and positive. It’s not easy to maintain a positive attitude at all times, but there are things you can do to stay away from obsessing over a negative thought. Call your sponsor or therapist. Have that person on speed-dial, because knowing that support is right there at your fingertips can build your ability to stay positive. When you are restless, you need company: Go find some.

3. Live in the moment. Vigilance is the key, and you can’t be vigilant if you’re romanticizing the past. Most of your self-esteem will come from being sober and working through your issues. but don’t take your renewed self for granted. If you are overconfident, you may want to “prove” to someone that you can handle a drink or two. Live in the truth and understand that every moment you spend glorifying your past or obsessing over your future is a moment that diminishes your power in the Now; and today, we’re all about Taking Our Power Back, so that our lives aren’t ruled by alcoholism or drug addiction.

4. Stay in therapy. Now that you are sober, you have a world of emotional issues to confront without the numbing agents of drugs and alcohol. You may find familial, platonic or romantic relationships that are causing problems for you, and all of you need to learn how to resolve conflicts in healthy ways. But you are the key. Continue weekly appointments with your therapist (for at least a year or two after getting sober) as well as group meetings. This will complete your healing and provide the coping tools that are your insurance.

5. Have patience. Patients and their families all need lots of patience as they wait for the healing to set in. Emotions are volatile, insomnia is rampant, and patients begin to feel as if they will be miserable for the rest of their lives. Their loved ones are also, seemingly, on constant vigil, thinking, “Is he late because he’s out drinking?” No one needs to assume that relapse will happen, and there’s no point in constantly worrying about it. If you get bored, however, join a health club, get out of the house, plan a trip — expose yourself to new things. Don’t waste time feeling sorry for yourself. Everything that you’ve accomplished so far has been nothing short of heroic, but things aren’t going to change overnight. In many 12-step programs, there’s a concept called slowbriety that I think you should explore, especially when you feel as though you are climbing out of your skin. Take your time with this; be kind to yourself. You’re right on schedule and you’re on the right track.

6. Sleep. Sure we need to exercise and eat healthy foods, but nothing we can do has the health restorative benefits of simple sleep. Our overall sleep patterns keep us healthy for a lifetime. As addicts, of course, many of us have lost the ability to get enough rest. Our abuse of drugs and alcohol has totally untrained our bodies in the art of falling asleep. We’ve tampered with our brain chemistry. During deep sleep and REM (Rapid Eye Movement) sleep, the brain regulates all of its chemicals and resets the neurotransmitter systems. The only caveat I have about sleeping is that you shouldn’t sleep during the day and isolate yourself from the rest of the waking world because, frankly put, it’s counter-productive. Reestablishing healthy sleep patterns is an important component of early recovery, but you need to approach this component in an intelligent manner; the last thing you want to do is make sleeping too much your new problem.

7. Avoid being around alcohol and drugs. You can still be crazy, funny, daring, and cool. Your life can still be full – actually more full – of great times and memorable people and places. That’s good crazy. Recovering addicts are probably the most fun, smart, and entertaining people I know. And they enjoy huge success by staying out of harm’s way, especially in the beginning. Bars, nightclubs, neighborhoods or environments where you used to drink and use… it should be a conscious choice to avoid these places until you develop the ego strength to go there. Long story short: If you hang around the barber shop long enough, you’re going to get a haircut. Am I telling you to join a monastery? No. But, I am asking you to take your power back and decide where you want to go and why you want to be there. You got clean and sober to have a new life. And, I don’t know of anyone who gets a new lease on life and then dances on a mine field. You have options today. Use them.

8. Realize that cravings and symptoms are normal. Your emotions are sensitive in early recovery, because they are no longer covered up by your substance abuse. This can be overwhelming when you’re not used to dealing with your feelings. You might get depressed or develop resentful thoughts. It’s totally normal to feel this way. Cravings are normal.  Your feelings will eventually start to calm down. You may even start to embrace these emotions once you can respond in a healthy way. Can you imagine the triumph in that? You’ve been a human pinata for so long, taken from pillar to post by your feelings which you had to self-medicate with drugs and alcohol, that just getting through the day knowing what to say or do when those same feelings come up is a really huge deal. I’m here to tell you that not only is it possible, it happens all the time. You don’t have to be alone in this. Even if you are in an igloo in the middle of the frozen tundra, there are resources at your disposal. All you have to do is realize that you haven’t used every resource at your disposal until you’ve asked for help.

Is relapse going to be part of your story? Maybe. But, the unfortunate truth is, you may not make it through that relapse alive. And, believe me, I know a lot of people who didn’t survive their relapse. They just didn’t make it. It’s a terrible, tragic reality of the disease of addiction.

But, if you open yourself up to the possibility that there might be a way to prevent relapse from becoming a part of your recovery, you may find yourself not only clean and sober, but immersed in a life worth staying clean and sober for.

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