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Be Gentle – And Change Your World

10/30/2014

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"In a gentle way, you can shake the world." – Mahatma Gandhi, Indian philosopher, internationally esteemed for his doctrine of nonviolent protest (1869-1948)


When it comes to thinking about doing anything that is earth-shattering, isn’t that the farthest thing from our thoughts? In reality, aren’t we too busy just trying to get through the day without some major hiccup or mistake that, while it doesn’t necessarily sabotage our recovery, it may give us pause to doubt our abilities or our progress?

Here’s a truth that’s little known but is very powerful. We can change the world by our actions, small as they may be. We don’t need to be the most eloquent orator or have access to a world stage in order to do so. We simply need to be ourselves, to live each day to the best of our ability, to seek to constantly improve and to make lives better for those around us.

We can speak in a gentle voice – or no voice at all – preferring to allow our actions to be the trumpeter of our words. In a way, everything that we do can help us qualify for changing the world. It happens a little bit at a time, day in and day out. We may not be able to see it or recognize it right away, yet the change, which may be subtle and nearly infinitesimal, is happening anyway.

Some of us in recovery get bogged down by making lists. There’s certainly nothing inherently wrong with list-making, but we do tend to go overboard at times, concentrating more on the task of list-making and not getting down to the actual action of the tasks. And, let’s face it. There is some comfort in the simple activity of putting things down on paper. At least that way we can see an accumulation of sorts, even if it is only the itemizing of one thing after another.

But let’s look beyond mere list making to the realization of changes that may, indeed, help to change the world. Okay, maybe it’s unrealistic to think about what we do having a major impact on the world at large. That’s fine. We can still have a profound impact on our immediate world and the people we associate with on a regular basis.

It may be that our actions result in a change of opinion of us by others whom we hold dear or to whom we owe a great deal. It could be our spouse or loved one or a close friend or our employer. While we were more or less incapacitated by our addiction, prior to going into rehab, our actions likely caused a great deal of consternation and grief. This may have contributed to a greater or lesser degree to our losing our job, suffering a financial collapse, being ostracized from certain groups, and even to severely damaging family relationships. Now that we are in recovery and are tending to what we need to do for ourselves each day in our recovery journey, the change in us may be enough that others are starting to take notice.

This is a good thing, a sign that we’re on the right path. No, we don’t have all the answers. We’re in this for the long haul. To the extent that others see our commitment, believe it, and watch us to see how well we live up to what we say we’re going to do, this can result in a substantial change of attitude that affects us greatly.

Think about how little we’ve done in the past to earn the confidence of others, to secure their trust in our words and our deeds. Now that we have embarked on a recovery journey, we are likely displaying considerably different attitudes than before. While we may stumble at times, others can clearly see that we’re trying, and that may make all the difference in the world.

It isn’t that others expect us to make miraculous discoveries or to progress faster than we’re reasonably capable of doing. But they do expect to see some indication that change is, in fact, occurring. And, by taking care of our recovery-oriented duties and responsibilities each day we are contributing to that mounting evidence of change that is going on inside of us.

Think about how much stronger we are today than we were just a few weeks ago. For even more contrast, consider how uncertain and afraid we were when we first completed rehab and entered recovery. We didn’t know which way to turn. Everything seemed so confusing. We were frightened and doubtful and maybe even a little angry. Some of us may have even looked upon our first days in sobriety as a sort of punishment, the precursor to a lifetime of deprivation, dull and boring existence devoid of happiness and pleasure.

Over time, however, that began to change. Whether that was due to the repetitive nature of some of the activities we involved ourselves in or that we began to feel more comfortable in our newfound sobriety – or some combination of the two – the truth of the matter is that we did get stronger. We did find things, while not easy, somewhat easier. Schedules became our friends. At least we knew what we needed to do when.

We also discovered that we weren’t alone, that we had allies, if not yet friends, in the rooms of recovery and in our 12-step sponsor. We listened and took in what we heard from others about how they made it through the early days of recovery. In fact, we may have begun to believe that there was something to this whole new life in sobriety that could just work for us. There could actually be happiness in our future. We weren’t going to be consigned to be miserable forever.

That likely was the beginning of the gentle change that can shake the world. It isn’t just one thing. It is an accumulation of many things. They may come fast or arrive slowly and without much notice, but changes to make a huge and lasting difference in both our lives and the lives of those around us.

After all, it isn’t the world we’re seeking to change. It’s just our world, the one we live in here and now, inhabited by our family and loved ones, our sponsor and allies in the rooms of recovery, our close friends, our co-workers and boss. And that’s enough to start with – more than enough, in fact.



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How to Stay Strong After Rehab

10/23/2014

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Rehab is challenging for someone who is letting go of an addiction and a former way of life; but what is often even more challenging is the first few weeks after rehab.  In order to successfully cope after rehab, the person in recovery must remember that they are not alone. There are people who can help them stay away from their old addiction and there are strategies they can use to become stronger within.

Challenges After Rehab


Rehab provides people with skills, strategies, strength and hope. When people leave rehab, they will be confronted with many of the same problems as when they went in. If they had financial troubles before, they will still have them. If they had relationship problems before, they will still need healing. It may feel overwhelming to some people to go from a world of rehab support in their recovery and re-enter the world from where they had started their addiction. The temptations they faced before will still be out there.

Recovering addicts will also have to face the family and friends whom they hurt with their addiction. Some will be supportive and grateful for the person’s recovery, yet others will still be hurting and may not offer any trust in that person or faith that the person has recovered.

Taking Coping Strategies Back Into the Real World


After rehab, a person must take responsibility to use the skills and strategies he or she learned in order to avoid relapse. Experts offer some advice for how to address those challenges after rehab.

  • Use the support groups and teams offered by rehab specialists or find a sponsor that can give support and strength in times of need.
  • Know what situations may trigger relapse and prepare strategies ahead of time. Dr. Seth Meyers says to remember the acronym, HALT. By remembering H (Hungry), A (Angry), L (Lonely), T (Tired) a person may better avoid these four feelings that research links to relapse.
  • Build a network of friends who are in recovery, too. Meet with these friends either in person or anonymously in networks like Facebook.
  • Find a purpose and meaning in life. Be mindful of the inner person beyond the addiction.
  • Repair broken relationships.
  • Find the inner child—let life be fun again. Go sledding, enjoy cartoons, and do whatever other activities bring back joyful, carefree times and memories. No matter the age of a person, they can still feel the joy of childhood.
Experts urge those who are going through rehab to use the strategies that rehab provides them. Knowledge, support from a sponsor, preparation and determination will help provide a person with the weapons and armor they may need to fight off relapse and rejoice in a new beginning.

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Ever Made a Mistake?

10/16/2014

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Why do we heap blame upon ourselves whenever we make a mistake? Is it human nature or is there something else going on here? Maybe it’s a residual effect of our chronic addiction, of years of self-neglect and self-destruction that’s resulted in our total lack of belief in ourselves. Sure, we’ve made some mistakes. Who hasn’t? Does that mean that we should drag out the list of all our failures and constantly go over them, making ourselves even more miserable in the process? What good does that exercise do?

The fact is that mistakes happen. Some occur because we’ve taken shortcuts, eager to get to the desired outcome that much quicker. Some happen because we lack a vital piece of information needed to complete the job. Other mistakes take place because we haven’t attained a certain skill the task requires. Why beat ourselves up over these things? Instead, look at what didn’t go the way we planned or anticipated-or even the way we believe something was supposed to happen-and make the necessary revisions?

One reason so many people in recovery give up in the face of mistakes is that they harbor the mistaken belief that they’ll never get it right, that they’ve always been failures and they’re destined to continue to fail. With that kind of a mindset, is it any wonder that so many of our fellow brothers and sisters in recovery stop short of achieving their full potential? Still, it doesn’t have to be this way. There are things we can do, very practical things, to help us gain more self-confidence as we navigate the early days of our recovery.

For one thing, we can stop being so hard on ourselves. It simply doesn’t do us any good. And we all know that we can use all the help we can get, so it’s actually counter-productive to focus on what we’ve failed at rather than what we can do now.

Another piece of advice is to seek the support of others who may be able to offer suggestions that may help us as we tackle certain tasks or projects. This is especially true if what we’re trying to accomplish or deal with is overcoming a problem or issue that’s common in early recovery. This includes things like dealing with persistent cravings and urges, finding a job, mending relationships, becoming financially solvent again, even how to communicate more effectively.

It’s important that we don’t let pride stand in the way of us trying our best to learn what we can from others who freely offer suggestions. We don’t have to do exactly what others have done, but we can certainly see what we can learn from their experience. Is there some common thread between what they went through and what we’ve experienced that we can draw a parallel to? Analyzing what steps they took versus what we did may be one way to begin to craft a personalized solution to what we’re trying to achieve.

Making mistakes, if we allow them to derail our progress in recovery, will result in our stagnation. We will be giving the mistakes a power that they don’t deserve. Everyone makes mistakes. Some of us build them into a mountain that we’re afraid to climb, let alone have the courage to find alternate routes around. This also means that, far from trying anything new, we’ll tell ourselves that we’ve gone as far as we can possibly go. We rationalize that we’re just meant to be where we are and that we can’t go beyond this point.

But that’s a lot of nonsense. Trying new things, even after making a mistake and experiencing a disappointment, can help us broaden our world view and has the added benefit of giving our self-confidence a much-needed boost.

And can’t we all use a little more encouragement in our lives? Make it a point today to look at what is possible, rather than looking backward and regretting our mistakes. Life is, after all, an unending learning experience. There’s so much that life has to offer, but we do need to give ourselves permission to learn and grow and evolve. No, it won’t come without sacrifices, of time, energy, and, yes, making some sense of our mistakes so that we have a better, more workable blueprint going forward. But this is what recovery is all about: the chance to take what is and transform it into what we want it to be.

Get started today. Instead of looking for why we can’t succeed – since we haven’t succeeded before or most recently-look to see what we can do. Start small with reasonably-achievable goals. Make an effort to keep on going and not giving up at the first sign of difficulty or whenever we encounter a minor roadblock. That just means we need to use our creativity to find alternate solutions, to devise a different strategy or approach. Good things will happen when we persevere, when we are determined to find the promise that we know is really there.


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Exercise Can Lift Your Mood in Recovery

10/9/2014

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Ever have a day when you’re not quite depressed, but you sure don’t feel up to par? While almost everyone will experience a little bit of the blues at some point in their lives, it isn’t always easy to know the best way to lift a mood that’s more or less in the dumps. When you are in recovery, it can be doubly important to learn effective methods you can use to brighten your day.

One of the simplest is exercise. That’s right, exercise. If visions of sweaty bodies and working out to near exhaustion come to mind, take heart. It isn’t all that difficult to get involved in some sort of physical exercise that you can do regularly–and not worry that you need special training or you’ll be developing a bodybuilder’s physique.

In fact, getting started on exercise is as simple as making the decision to do so and then acting upon that intention.

First, however, here are some insights into how exercise can lift your mood in recovery.

The Exercise Triple-Bundle



Did you know that besides helping to stave off sadness, exercise can also reduce overall fatigue and help fight anxiety? Think of it as the exercise triple bundle–and it doesn’t cost you a penny.

What is it about working out or getting out and taking a hike that results in these benefits? When you move your body, what’s really going on in there?

Physically speaking, when you exercise, your brain starts producing endorphins. These are chemicals naturally found in the brain that help elevate mood, improve concentration and brain functioning, and result in an overall sense of well-being. Translation: you start to feel good.

But there’s another process going on when you exercise and that is the reduction in the levels of cortisol. During stressful times, the human body exhibits a fight-or-flight syndrome. That’s due to cortisol, a steroid hormone produced under stress. You can balance out cortisol levels in the human body through exercise.

And reduction in cortisol levels can help stabilize your mood and prevent an anxiety attack.

What is Effective Exercising?



While any exercise is better than no exercise, there is a way to ensure that you’re getting maximum benefits from your routine. Experts say that even moderate aerobic exercise, done three to four times a week, will result in a pronounced improvement in a relatively quick time frame.

That’s good news for those who may be leery about having to take up a strenuous sport, engage in recreational pursuits that may require extensive conditioning, or who just want to start off easy.

What you may find surprising is that different forms of exercise target different issues of depression or the blues. For example, you can recharge mentally and reduce stress with a long, peaceful walk. Whether it is in your neighborhood, up and down the sidewalks for a few-block radius of your home or at a nature preserve or a hiking trail, the location isn’t as important as the actual walk.

If you are looking to maintain muscle tone and enhance your appearance at the same time you experience a greater sense of well-being, free weights might be the answer.

For an immediate mood enhancement, try short, intense workouts: about 30 minutes of exercise to the point where you’re breathing hard. What this does is release pain-inhibiting endorphins that quickly go to work to lift your mood.

Alternating aerobic exercise with free weights is a good workout regime for maximum overall benefit.

Keep in mind that you need to start slow and work your way up to an ideal exercise routine level in order to avoid burnout. In addition, whatever you decide to do, be consistent. You don’t want to begin a routine only to put it on the back burner for weeks. After some period of time goes by, you’ll be less likely to want to return to your exercise schedule and it may be harder to get back into it due to a mental block that you’ve put in place.

How to Get Started Exercising Without Killing Yourself



If you want to begin a regular exercise routine, here are some tips to keep in mind so that you’re engaging in healthy exercise but not overdoing it.

  • Be sure you’re OK to exercise. It goes without saying, but we’ll say it anyway. You need to be sure you’re fit enough to begin an exercise program. If you have any doubts about even mild forms of exercise, check with your doctor before you embark on that long, peaceful walk near your home or at the lake.
  • Bring a friend. For some individuals, there is nothing so boring as exercising alone. That’s probably why gym memberships are so popular. But you don’t need to join an expensive gym to reap the benefits of exercising with others. When you’re going for a walk or a run or some other form of exercise where more than one can participate, bring a friend with you. Having someone to talk with while you exercise can even make exercising seem like fun.
  • Get ready.  Maybe you want or need a reminder that it’s time to exercise. This can be as simple as setting out the clothes you plan to wear the next day when you go on your walk or head out to the garden to engage in some power-weeding. You can also use post-it notes, or put alerts on your calendar or email program. As long as you get the message–when you get the message–you’ll be fine. The point is to remember to do some form of exercise daily. If a reminder will help, by all means, use it.
  • Vary the routine. The way around certain boredom is to mix up your routine. Every other day, try walking a different route. Or, alternate free weights and aerobic exercise. Other ways to vary the routine include using different exercise machines at the gym, listening to different music, even wearing different colors or types of exercise clothing.
  • Track schedule and progress. If you are diligent about recording your schedule and tracking your progress, great. If not, why not ask a friend or fellow workout/exercise buddy to check in with you weekly to see how much progress you’ve made toward your goals, how well you’re adhering to your exercise schedule, and to serve as a kind of mentoring pal to keep you motivated. If that friend is similarly engaged in an exercise routine or program, so much the better. You can coach and support one another.
  • Give yourself credit – and don’t beat yourself up for missing a day. Let’s face it. There are going to be days when you just don’t feel up to your normal exercise routine. You might be under the weather, having come down with a bug that’s sweeping the office or school or that your kids brought home. Maybe you worked late at the office to finish an important project or stayed up with a sick child. At times like this, instead of feeling bad that you’re missing your workout, be encouraged by the times that you’ve met your goals in the last month and celebrate those victories.
  • Set reasonably attainable goals. The idea here is to set goals that you can realistically expect to achieve, at least in the beginning. There’s no sense deciding that you’re going to run a marathon in one week’s time when you’ve never even walked a mile. That might be exaggerating a little, but the point is clear. You have to walk before you can run–in this case, literally.
  • Reward yourself for goals achieved. Those reasonable goals that you can realistically achieve? You need to give yourself some accolade or reward each time you accomplish the goal that you’ve set for yourself. What the reward is should be special to you. For example, if you are diligent and consistent in your exercise routine for one week, without missing a day, a reward you consider special might be a massage or an evening out with a friend.
  • Focus on short-term improvements. Looking for the long-term gains might result in a feeling of frustration. It’s tough to see the long view when you’re caught up in the moment – and feeling like you’ve already given it about as much as you’ve got. Instead of concentrating on how much better you look physically or how much more strength and stamina you have or how much weight you’ve lost or gained according to your goals, focus on the improvements you can see right away. These include more energy, a better mood and less stress.



Other Ways Exercise Lifts Your Mood



Besides working out stress and tension, there are other ways that exercise can lift your mood in recovery.

First of all, when your mind is clear, it is easier to figure out solutions. Think about it. When you’re swamped with deadlines and trying to find extra hours in the day to devote to all the things you need to do–both for your recovery as well as for work, school and family–clearing your mind and allowing for a blank slate seems almost impossible. After all, aren’t your thoughts constantly churning, calculating what you have to do and how and when and most of all, can you get it all done in a single day?

Exercising helps you sweep away those ceaseless and aggravating reminders that you’re not getting enough done. Here’s how to do it:

  • Focus on your exercise.
  • Count your breaths or your steps or repetitions.
  • Visualize your way up the trail or around the lakeside path.
  • Allow your mind to be swept clean of extraneous demands. You will find that once you’ve allowed room inside your head, simple and elegant solutions may manifest in the now-open space.
Next, exercise gets you out of the house and the isolation trap that so many people in recovery–especially newcomers to sobriety–find themselves falling into. Aside from the benefits of being with others when you exercise, you’ll be getting out of the house and taking active steps to remove yourself from isolation. Maybe you are afraid to come into contact with others, fearful that you will make the wrong decisions or that you aren’t yet ready to communicate properly.

Here is a little secret: Exercise is the great equalizer. You don’t have to say much to get benefit from it. If you’re shy and still vulnerable, you can be in a gym where others are exercising and keep to yourself. You’re still out and among people who are engaged in physical exercise. You’re getting a sense of community, even if you’re not yet ready to dive in and strike up a conversation. You’re also working on getting your body moving again, on doing something positive for yourself. You are taking action that will benefit your recovery.

Establishing a regular exercise regimen means that there’s always something to look forward to. There’s no worry or wonder about what you’re going to do tomorrow morning. You already have your schedule figured out. It’s just a matter of doing it. You show up, literally, and you’re ready to go.

Where this really makes an impact is on days when you’ve had a setback or disappointment and are feeling a little more down than usual. By getting back into your exercise routine, you can help lift yourself out of the doldrums in no time flat. You will wind up with a new perspective on whatever it was that bothered you to begin with and likely have more motivation and enthusiasm to tackle other items on your recovery to-do list.

Ready, Set, Grow



Just start somewhere. Go slow and take your time getting acquainted with the kind of exercise program or schedule that works best for you. Look at this as a fun project with incredible benefits.

Bottom line: when you are ready–as in, you’ve made the decision to try exercise to help lift your mood–make a plan, spring into action, and watch yourself grow. In no time at all, you are likely to find that not only has your mood improved, but you have more energy, enthusiasm and joy in life. Even the everyday stresses and tensions won’t seem as high a hurdle, because now you have an effective tool to deal with them.

Since there’s no time like the present, isn’t it time to consider incorporating some form of exercise into your daily routine?


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How To Be Really Happy

10/2/2014

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"I don’t know what your destiny will be, but one thing I do know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve." – Albert Schweitzer, German-French (Alsatian) theologian, philosopher, physician, musician and medical missionary, received the Nobel Peace Prize in 1952 for his philosophy of "Reverence for Life" (1875-1965)

What is happiness in recovery? How do we know if we’re really happy or if we’re merely satisfied? What is the difference? How can we go from just getting through each day to really experiencing the most joy possible? While these questions are all good ones and are somewhat different, they are also quite a bit related. How so? They each have to do with our point of view.

When we first start off in recovery, what we generally find is that we’re pretty much consumed with the effort and energy required just to get through the day. It is all so new to us, and this applies whether this is our first time being clean and sober or our second or fifth or tenth or whatever. It can seem like the world is crashing down on us, that we cannot breathe, that there is too much to do and too little time to do it. Or, and this also happens to a number of individuals just entering recovery, the time stretches out endlessly and we can see no end in sight. Our life seems comprised of an eternity of must-do items, onerous and difficult tasks, and limited horizons and little in the way of possibilities.

This all changes over time, of course, but it is at the outset that we’re likely to be most bothered by the prospects we face – or the lack of prospects that we can see in the near future. We want to know how we can get over this hurdle, how long it will take, what we can do in the meantime to keep our sanity and, most of all, will it be worth it once we do go through all the effort, energy and time required?

Again, these are all good questions. They are the kinds of issues that have plagued almost all newcomers to recovery. This does not mean to imply, however, that they are any less important. What bothers any of us in recovery is something that needs to be tended to. Either we figure it out on the basis of trial and error or we ask for help from our 12-step sponsor and fellow group members in the rooms of recovery or our supportive loved ones and family members – or a combination of all of these. Until we find resolution to the things that stand in our way of happiness, we’ll continue to be bothered by them.

But, let’s assume that we’ve been able to come through the early stage of recovery, say, the first six months or so. We’ve gotten used to our daily schedules and are fairly comfortable doing the things we know we need to do to maintain our recovery. Sure, there are occasional difficulties that we have to deal with, things that come out of the blue and we have to stop everything and deal with them. These may be minor or major crises. When they occur, we need to focus our attention, energy and resources, on getting through and past them – without jeopardizing our recovery.

When things are going along relatively smoothly, when we are beginning to feel more comfortable in this new life in recovery that we have chosen, how do we ratchet up our happiness quotient? What can we do – minus the artificial stimulus of alcohol or drugs – to increase our ability to feel happiness? Some would say that it is only when we are able to look beyond ourselves and our immediate concerns and begin to look more toward what we can do to help others that we are able to be truly happy.

Maybe we don’t like the sound of that. Maybe it seems as though we’re going to have to be martyrs or suffer greatly on a personal level, giving all our time and effort to someone else. This is not at all what it means to be of service to others. It doesn’t mean that we’re taking anything away from our own recovery. On the contrary, it’s when we are doing the best we can for our recovery and are seeking to go beyond our current routine to incorporate something extra – some added activity or project that we do in order to help others and not just ourselves.

The side benefit of helping others is that it also helps us. So, there’s really no downside to being of service to another, when it comes right down to it.

How do we go about helping others? Where do we start? Is it difficult to do? Will it require a lot of time? There are an infinite number of ways that we can seek out and find how to do this. Some simple suggestions include taking the time to extend a hand in welcome and friendship to newcomers to the rooms of recovery, going up to someone who seems to need help and offering it – even if our offer is turned down at first. Try to see how we can brighten the day of another, even if it is just listening to their problems. Think back to when we needed help. Often, what we most needed was someone to listen to us, to offer us encouragement and support. It is this kind of service to others that we may be most able to provide – and with the least effort to start.

Bottom line: It isn’t what we do for others that matters most. It is the intent we have to do so. If we want to find ways to help others, we will figure out how to do so. And, in helping others, we will be adding immeasurable benefits to ourselves, in that we will begin to know real happiness.


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