The Void That Alcohol And Drugs Could Never Fill


It’s not unusual for an alcoholic or addict to wonder, in the midst of yet another self-imposed crisis: ”

What’s wrong with me?”

“Why does this keep happening to me?”

“Why do I keep doing this?”

The answers are simple, but also astonishingly elusive. It requires a mode of thinking that is foreign to the alcoholic mind, which is so preoccupied with itself that it naturally rebels against the idea of surrender, of letting go of old ideas, and of considering that there is an entirely new mode of living, thinking, and perceiving.

A Spiritual Connection Fills Us Up

This new mode involves developing a spiritual connection, and with the right guidance, along with the willingness—usually born of desperation—this is an achievable and highly rewarding goal. Here are some of the benefits of this new personal enterprise:

1. A sincere and sustained effort to develop a spiritual connection is a time-tested and reliable way to get free from addiction. The inner transformation that is brought about redirects the engine of desire away from alcohol and drugs and toward life-affirming pursuits.
2. A new sense of community is available. Once we see that our isolation made us drink and our drinking isolated us, and we find ourselves in the company of others who have felt the same way, we find a connectedness not only in our common problem but also in our shared solution. This new connectedness opens us to the development of new friendships upon new and more gratifying terms than we knew in our old lives.
3. A spiritual connection opens us to our intuition, a faculty that is a powerful ally in decision-making. The cerebral approach to problem solving has its limitations, especially when our self-centered fears are the chief drivers of our thought processes. Intuition, spiritual principles, and the willingness to listen to people perhaps wiser and with more experience will virtually guarantee better outcomes and less stress than our old headstrong reactive ways.
4. An ability to go with the flow is an attractive part of the spiritual-connection package. When we learn acceptance on a deep level, including past harm, present challenges, and future possibilities, we find that we can experience serenity even during troubled times. Stress, anxiety, and depression are lessened when we allow people and circumstances to simply be as they are. This doesn’t mean that we become passive—doormats to be dominated by those around us, and blowing in whatever wind comes up—but rather that we (going back to intuition and principles) respond appropriately and accept the results of our best efforts. When we choose this non-adversarial stance toward things, we find that we can influence events much more positively than when we tried to control them.
5. A host of other benefits arise out of the pursuit of a spiritual connection. We become freed up to pursue our creativity, health, and relationships on a new footing. We are often surprised as new insights and even epiphanies pop up, seemingly out of nowhere.

Connection Provides Answers To Our Questions

One of the most transformative aspects of a spiritual connection is that it leads us to opportunities to be useful. Nobody who is living a useful, sober life, immersed in a new sense of community, and living through intuition and principles is asking herself What’s wrong with me? Why does this keep happening to me? Why do I keep doing this? A spiritual connection answers and moves us beyond these questions.


By: Jake Sandino

Watching a child lose themselves in alcohol addiction can make parents feel helpless. If you suspect, “My child is an addict!”, there is no magic bullet or good advice that can stop an addiction and so when most people see their son or daughter slipping into alcoholism, they simply do not know how to stop it. Here, we review some practical suggestions in addressing a suspected alcohol problem within your family. We invite your questions about treatment or family therapies for addiction in the comments section at the end.

STEP 1: The Old Ways May Not Be The BestMany parents, upon discovering their children have an alcohol problem, resort to traditional parenting reactions. They attempt to punish their child. This could be cutting them off from “bad friends”, Sending them to their room, Taking away privileges or even just getting angry and yelling. These methods may have worked in the past, but chances are, they will not work to treat an addiction. The two reasons for this are that, 1) if they are old enough to get alcohol, they are probably old enough to have some independence which means traditional punishments are harder to enforce. 2) Punishing an addict does nothing to fight the addiction. So, your first step is to recognize that what you used to do…is broken, and that you need to seek alternative ways of coping.

STEP 2: Talk To ThemPeople with an alcohol problem do not respond to anger, they respond to empathy. Someone who is drinking too much may already feel depressed or isolated, punishing them further really only serves to increase their urge to drink. The best way to approach an alcohol addiction is to talk to the person. Do not do this when they are drunk, wait until they are sober, and maybe even a bit hung over. Tell the person that you are worried about them, that you care for them and that you just want to help.

Also remember to go to them with evidence and ideas. What this means is, before you speak to anyone about an alcohol addiction, it is important to gather evidence to prove they have a problem. No evidence means they can just deny everything. Once you have the evidence, the ideas come into play. Find a list of treatment options so you can have them ready for the talk. Ideas of the treatments available will show the addict that there is a way out. It is like offering a ray of hope.

STEP 3: Take Action
Once you have spoken to your child about a possible addiction to alcohol, it is time to take action. If you can, go with them to speak to a doctor about the condition, Speak to a counsellor or look at a treatment centre. All of these options can be effective in getting treatment but it may be hard to get your son or daughter to embrace them.

If you are having trouble, speak to a doctor, counselor or treatment centre yourself. They can offer advice and some comfort. It is also a good idea to look into some family support groups. There are organisations out there that are designed to support the families of alcoholics. They are full of people just like you that have gone through it all before and may be able to help.

You Can Only Do So MuchAddiction is often called a family disease because it affects everyone around it, but when it comes to treating addiction, The Addict has to make the first move. If you have Offered help and provide your son or daughter with treatment options, there is not a lot more you can do. Most addicts that actually kick their habit do so because they decide to.

If someone does not want to quit, there is very little that can be done to treat them. A good example of this is people in prison treatment programs. These people do not have access to drugs or alcohol for years at a time but once they get out many go right back to using. This is because they were forced to stop rather than choosing to stop themselves. Until someone decides they want to get better, they will not respond well to treatment. If your son or daughter is refusing treatment, attend family support meetings and get yourself some help and support. The only other thing you can do is keep encouraging the addict to go to treatment.

The Road Is Not EasyThis may not seem like an easy road or the answer most people want to hear but it is the truth. Having a child with an alcohol addiction is never easy but with help love and support, most people can get better. We invite your questions or comments in the section below and will try to respond to you personally and promptly.


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By: Brad Girtz

By Dr. Howard Samuels, Author of Alive Again: Recovering from Alcoholism and Drug Addiction

If you are reading this and someone you care about is suffering from alcoholism or drug addiction, my heart truly goes out to you. No one wants to be the bad guy and no one wants to point at the elephant in the room; it’s not how any of us were raised. Believe me when I say that it’s a war we are in, and that casualties can be prevented, and that most of what you need to do to win this war is intervene on the destructive behavior, draw a boundary, and stick to it. This is not an imaginary solution, it’s a solution that works.

But, I’ve got to warn you going in: if you’ve really got what it takes, it’s going to take everything you’ve got. But the benefits of a drug or alcohol intervention definitely outweigh the alternative.

Here Are Some Steps Will Help To Guide You Through The Process.1. Meet with friends and family members, but do not include the addict or the alcoholic. Between three and six people is a good number. Agree that you will maintain confidentiality, and please do not include children. Dis­cuss the facts about the patient, and note the harmful behavior all of you observe. Plan what each of you will say and in what order. Try not to be repetitive. Discuss how you believe the patient will react, and anticipate how you will address denials, tears, anger, and so forth.

2. Meet with a professional counselor or therapist before the intervention, with your whole group but not with the patient. Rehearse what each of you will say, and discuss possible reactions with the therapist. The therapist may ask that you write down a list of behaviors that will no longer be tolerated and what the con­ sequences will be if each behavior continues. You might also make a list of losses that resulted from the addict’s behavior, such as a job, a relationship, or money. Choose a spokesperson for the intervention.

3. Discuss treatment options with the therapist. Ascer­tain that the situation merits intervention, that the patient is causing harm but is otherwise not suffering from a mental condition. Choose a facility in advance, and contact that facility to discuss your plan.

4. Choose a private location, and decide who will sit where. Make sure there will be no interruptions, including cell phones. All should be in attendance before the patient arrives. Arrange a time when you believe the patient will be sober.

5. When the patient arrives, speak calmly and do not accuse anyone in the room. “We are all here because we love you and we are concerned about you.” You don’t need to use the words addict or alcoholic. Begin each sentence with the word I or we, and not the word you. Such as, “I am upset about how you are drinking and stressing out the family,” or “We are here to save you from yourself.”

6. Ask the patient to confirm that there is a problem. If he or she denies a problem, go around the room and ask each group member for evidence of the problem. Remember to avoid accusations or anger. Listen to what the addict says, but don’t agree with him or her. Tell the addict you love him or her, and that you don’t want the addict to destroy his or her life.

7. Offer immediate treatment, and explain the details about the therapeutic facility you have arranged. It is not acceptable for the patient to say that he or she will seek treatment “later.” This meeting is an ultimatum, and you have prepared in advance for what you will say to every objection. It will be difficult, but the coun­selor will help the patient deal with anger or denial. You don’t want the patient to feel as if everyone has ganged up on him or her, but be strong. Don’t cave in.

8. Close the meeting on a positive note: “We just care so much about you, or we wouldn’t do this at all.” In most cases, the patient will agree to go to rehab. If not, then that doesn’t mean you failed. Your efforts may start a chain of events that ultimately leads to change for the patient. In addition, you have made it known that you will no longer enable his or her behavior.

An intervention is a success even if the client refuses to go to rehab, because at least the family has united to set a boundary. This means life will not be the same for the addict, and a process has started that will one day result in the addict getting treatment.

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The above is an adapted excerpt from the book Alive Again: Recovering from Alcoholism and Drug Addiction by Howard C. Samuels, Psy.D. The above excerpt is a digitally scanned reproduction of text from print. Although this excerpt has been proofread, occasional errors may appear due to the scanning process. Please refer to the finished book for accuracy.  Copyright © 2014 Howard C. Samuels, Psy.D, author of Alive Again: Recovering from Alcoholism and Drug Addiction