(800) 447-2766 | info@buffalovalley.org
Buffalo Valley, Inc.
  • Home
    • Contact
  • About
  • Directions
  • Treatment
    • What To Bring
    • Prescreen Application
    • Pre-admission Resources
    • Medically Monitored Detox
    • Residential Rehab
    • Partial Hospital
    • IOP (Intensive Out Patient)
    • Co-Occurring Disorders
    • Prioritized Admission For Block Grant Program
    • PTSD-M
    • Psychosocial Assessment
  • Veterans
    • VA Housing
  • Housing
    • Housing
    • Rental Assistance
    • Rentals
    • Elderly/Disabled
    • COC
  • News
  • Links
  • ACA
  • Make Payment
    • Rent Payment
    • Treatment Payment
    • Medical Record Payment
    • Donations Payment
    • DUI School Payment
  • Online Payments
  • Donations
  • DUI SCHOOL

How to help an addict mother or father?

7/9/2015

3 Comments

 
Picture
Can You Help An Addict?
Usually, you can only help someone who wants help. When it comes to addiction, though, there are stpes you can take to keep your parents accountable for their actions. Learn how you can intervene here. Then, we invite your questions about dealing with a parent who’s an addict or alcoholic in the comments section at the end. We’ll get back to you with a personal reply ASAP.

How To Help An Addict Mother Or Father?

We’ve asked someone who’s been there and has returned to tell the tale. Bria is the author of the books:

“A Stolen Childhood” – A fictional story that is briefly based on her life events
“Where Hope is Born” – A series of vignettes about growing up in a family stricken by addiction, and
“Still My Best Friend?” – A children’s story that explains the disease of addiction to young children

Using her talent of writing, she has dealt with the disease and crisis of addiction in her family. Today, Bria shares her experience about ways to help your addict mother or father and how to care for yourself in the moments of overtaking parenting. Again, please use the section below if you have a question at the end. We will do our best to give you a personal and prompt answer.

ADDICTION BLOG: What are some of the main signs that your parents are addicts? How can you be sure?

BRIA RILEY: The main sign that parents (or anyone, for that matter) are addicts is that their lifestyle, priorities, and interests begin to change because of the use of their substance or compulsive behavior of choice.

For example, if your parents were diligent workers, the main cheerleader at every one of your soccer games, and always went fishing and hiking during their days off, but once they started excessively drinking, they:

  • often missed work
  • didn’t perform up to par in their tasks while at work
  • barely showed up at your activities
  • live to drink and party on weekends
…while fishing and hiking suddenly became the last thought on their minds, these would be signs of a problem.

Another main sign is that their everyday personality starts to change. They might become more short-tempered and agitated when they definitely weren’t like that before. Addicts often become secretive and ashamed of what has become their addiction, so parents may forbid their children of speaking of their using.

Addicts lose control over their addiction, so if they are using every single day or so often that it begins to affect their life, health, or personality that is a definite cause for alarm.

If any of these examples sound all too familiar, the child of the possible addicts should consider talking to someone such as another family member, guidance counselor, or family friend about the concerns. Denial is the hallmark of addiction, so most likely, the parents will not admit it. Addiction is often a tough diagnosis, so there is no way to be 100% sure which is why others should be aware so they could also be on the lookout for the signs.

ADDICTION BLOG: How do parents try to hide their addiction?  

BRIA RILEY: Secrecy. They will often tell their child to not dare tell anyone of their using or activities related to their using. If the child tells someone, they become livid and may even implement punishment.
They may also lie to their child about where they have been, what they have been doing, and how often they have used.

When family or other spectators are around, they suddenly act like everything is stable by lying about aspects of their lives that may have been affected by their using such as their job, money, bills, activities, and using if it is a substance or behavior that it is not taboo such as alcohol, gambling, or prescribed painkillers.

ADDICTION BLOG: How can I help my parents?  

BRIA RILEY: There is no real way for the children of addicts to “help” their parents; the parents have to make their own decision to seek help. If they feel that their parent is that far gone, they can arrange an intervention, call the State’s Department of Health and Social Services, or seek help from another adult who they trust. When their parents are in recovery, kids can be loving and supportive, which will make their parents feel good about their decision to choose recovery.

ADDICTION BLOG: What should I do if/when violent behavior appears?

BRIA RILEY: Stay calm and try to not fight back or stop it. You do not want to get hurt. If it comes to the point that they are becoming physically abusive or doing any type of damage that affects others, do not hesitate to call the police, tell someone, request to live with someone else, or contact your state’s child protective services.

ADDICTION BLOG: What should my first step be when I see no way out in facing my drunk or drugged parent?

BRIA RILEY: It depends on the situation. If it is only a temporary thing like if they are really bad for a day or a few days, I would say to stay with a friend or another family member for a night or few nights. If living with them has become unbearable, I would start asking family members or any adult that is close to you that is in the position to care for you to live with them. Now if you’re a grown adult, it may break your heart, but you may just have to avoid contact with your parents.

ADDICTION BLOG: What do I need to do to take care of myself?

BRIA RILEY: They should definitely educate themselves on the disease of addiction so they understand what they are dealing with in terms of the complexity of the disease. They should definitely not become co-dependent (an enabler) by giving money, bailing out of jail, making excuses for work or other commitments, etc. Most importantly, they should seek help in Al-Ateen (teens) or Al-Anon (adults) meetings or other support groups, school guidance counselors, school social workers, outside counselors, or church members.

In the end, I hope that each child of an addict would all want to still live a fulfilling life so they should try to rise above by making positive decisions for themselves, and education plays a big role.

ADDICTION BLOG: Who else can I connect with so that I don’t feel so alone?

BRIA RILEY: The best way to not feel so alone is to find a group of people who can empathize (other children of addicts). The best place to find these people are support groups such as Al-Ateen or Al-Anon. Some schools may even have a support group, so I would advise that they check with a school guidance counselor or social worker. Some churches, hospitals, or other organizations may even have their own support groups. The friends made in these support groups usually become their best friends because they understand what they are going through. A person to vent to is also good to have such as a supportive family member, friend, pastor, teacher, or counselor.

ADDICTION BLOG: What do I need to do so that I don’t become an addict myself?

BRIA RILEY: Simple. Make the right decisions and monitor your behaviors throughout your life.

As I have mentioned in previous questions, education is key because it provides the opportunity and motivation for success and keeps you in line. Hang around peers who do not engage in drugs or alcohol. Believe it or not, you are who your friends are. If you never do drugs, you can’t become addicted to them, so simply choose to say, “No” to them. Now, in life, of course most people drink or gamble at some point or get injured or have a procedure that makes them need pain killers. You just have to be aware of these behaviors because addiction sneaks up on you and definitely runs in families.

ADDICTION BLOG: Do kids of addicts usually try to compensate for addiction? How?

BRIA RILEY: Sadly, I find that more children of addicts get caught up in the depression of their difficult lives that come with having addicted parents, so they may:
  • turn to drugs or alcohol
  • drop out of school
  • perform poorly academically
  • have an unwanted/unplanned pregnancy
  • or even commit suicide
There is a statistic I once read saying that children of alcoholics are 85% more likely to commit suicide. On the other hand, there are also many children of addicts – like myself – who want to rise above their difficult lives that come with having addicted parents by making positive decisions such as:
  • befriending the right people getting an education that will lead to a career
  • getting a steady job
  • becoming independent
  • eventually having a loving, healthy, and stable family of their own
So, I believe that it all depends on the kid of the addict and what is going on up in their own head.

ADDICTION BLOG: What are some of the common ways that kids become adults in order to cope with addiction?  

BRIA RILEY: There are two directions they can really go in order to cope with addiction. As I’ve mentioned in the previous question, they either go down the negative or the positive path. Some of the negative ways they cope are to get caught up in their own addiction, promiscuity, crime, etc. Some of the positive ways they cope are doing well in school and making other positive decisions that will help them climb out of the unfortunate hole their parents’ addiction has put them in.

Just a side note: there are scholarships for children of addicted and/or incarcerated parents.

ADDICTION BLOG: Is there anything else you would like to share with our readers?

BRIA RILEY: If you are a child of an addict or someone who is deeply affected by a loved one’s addiction, I want you to know that I feel your pain and I am writing this advice from my own experiences. I know that you feel a lot of pain and sadness because addiction destroys lives, but it does not have to consume you. You CAN OVERCOME your adversity. Anyone is strong enough and is capable of having the right mindset to do so.

I have learned that healing is not when the trauma no longer hurts; it is when you have overcame it and can make something good and beautiful out of it. Even though I have accomplished many great things, I still feel the hurt and brokenness and sometimes have tears streaming down my face in bed at night.

If you are an addict, I beseech you to get help. Using is just a symptom to a deeper emotional problem, and you can be set free of your demons if you just seek help. Not only what you are doing is hurting you, but it is hurting your loved ones as well. Life in recovery is beautiful and can be full of greatness if you just give it a chance. I would also like to tell you that the best way to heal a broken heart is to give God all of the pieces. If you do not believe in God, at least have a higher power because that is what will help you put things in perspective and keep you sane. God Bless.

Photo credit: Lucian Milasan

3 Comments
Tushar Imran link
2/25/2018 06:30:28 am

Great post. I appreciate it. Many of us in society have a bad habit or addiction. They have tried a lot
but everything goes in vein.Win against addiction is very hard matter.To win against a addiction there are many tips and tricks thats should be applied .Here the perfect way of <a href="http://studyatonline.net/2017/11/26/get-rid-addiction/">how to give up an addiction</a>. I found the post very helpful. Thanks.

Reply
Susan Christian
8/5/2021 11:05:25 pm

Hello to everyone out here, I am here to share the unexpected miracle that happened to me … My name is Susan Christian , I live in London, UK. we got married for more than 9 years and have gotten two kids. thing were going well with us and we are always happy. until one day my husband started to behave in a way i could not understand, i was very confused by the way he treat me and the kids. later that month he did not come home again and he called me that he want a divorce, i asked him what have i done wrong to deserve this from him, all he was saying is that he want a divorce that he hate me and do not want to see me again in his life, i was mad and also frustrated do not know what to do, i was sick for more than 2 weeks because of the divorce. i love him so much he was everything to me without him my life is incomplete. i told my sister and she told me to contact a spell caster, i never believe in all this spell casting of a thing. i just want to try if something will come out of it. i contacted Dr Emu for the return of my husband to me, they told me that my husband have been taken by another woman, that she cast a spell on him that is why he hate me and also want us to divorce. then they told me that they have to cast a spell on him that will make him return to me and the kids, they casted the spell and after 24 hours my husband called me and he told me that i should forgive him, he started to apologize on phone and said that he still live me that he did not know what happen to him that he left me. it was the spell that he Dr Emu casted on him that make him come back to me today, me and my family are now happy again today. thank you Dr Emu for what you have done for me i would have been nothing today if not for your great spell. i want you my friends who are passing through all this kind of love problem of getting back their husband, wife , or ex boyfriend and girlfriend to contact Dr Emu ,if you need his help you can contact him through his private mail: emutemple@gmail.com or you can contact him through his website https://emutemple.wordpress.com/ fb page Https://web.facebook.com/Emu-Temple-104891335203341 and you will see that your problem will be solved without any delay.

Reply
LOTTERY SPELL
4/6/2022 11:21:22 am

DR EMU WHO HELP PEOPLE IN ANY TYPE OF LOTTERY NUMBERS
It is a very hard situation when playing the lottery and never won, or keep winning low fund not up to 100 bucks, i have been a victim of such a tough life, the biggest fund i have ever won was 100 bucks, and i have been playing lottery for almost 12 years now, things suddenly change the moment i came across a secret online, a testimony of a spell caster called dr emu, who help people in any type of lottery numbers, i was not easily convinced, but i decided to give try, now i am a proud lottery winner with the help of dr emu, i won $1,000.0000.00 and i am making this known to every one out there who have been trying all day to win the lottery, believe me this is the only way to win the lottery.

Contact him on email Emutemple@gmail.com
What's app +2347012841542
Https://web.facebook.com/Emu-Temple-104891335203341

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    BLOG TOPICS

    All
    Addiction
    Anxiety Disorder
    Drug Abuse
    Pain Management
    Physical & Emotional Abuse
    Pregnancy
    Self-Esteem

    Archives

    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    November 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013

    RSS Feed

Buffalo Valley Inc.
501 Park Avenue South
Hohenwald, TN 38462

Local: (931) 796-5427
Toll-free: (800) 447-2766


Picture
© 2021  Buffalo Valley, Inc.  | Privacy Policy  |  BVI Staff

​​Site Powered by InnerDigital
Photo used under Creative Commons from H o l l y.