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How to help a drug addicted spouse

6/24/2015

19 Comments

 
Picture
By: Amanda Andruzzi

Are you married to an addict or alcoholic? You probably feel exhausted, confused, and not just a little bit angry.  We’re here to let you know that you’re not alone. But that you need to make changes.

Helping an addicted spouse may or may not end in their road to recovery. The merry-go-round you are on keeps spinning and you want to make it stop. You want to keep your marriage. But you can no longer decipher the lies from the truths.

Here, we will discuss points on how to navigate through some common issues so you can start making better decisions. Then, we invite your questions, experience(s), and comments at the end.

How To Help A Drug Addict: The Law Of Attraction

The Law of Attraction implies positive attracts positive. If you are acting in a negative way and expressing feelings of sadness and negativity, then it is likely your spouse will feed off of that and/or use this against you. If you behave in a positive way and live your life positively, despite your spouse’s addiction, it may generate positive results.

If you perpetuate anger, disappointment, and sadness, you may generate similar results in the exchange you have with your spouse. You may not be able to change someone else, but you can either inspire them to change or inspire yourself to move on.  So, what does this look like in practical, real life terms when living in a codependent marriage. How can you live with or love an active drug addict?

You Want The Lies To Stop


WHAT HAPPENS: The lies and manipulation can hurt the most. Some of us would rather our bank account be emptied for a weekend bender than have a spouse look you in the eye and tell you they are sober, when they clearly are not.

WHAT YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT: If you can understand that lies are part of the addiction, the lies may not hurt as much.  If part of the disease is to hide the truth to maintain the addiction, then take a step back and expect to be lied to. You know very well, the truth from a lie, deep down inside. If you want the lies to stop, then try to trust your instincts. If something does not sound right or feel right to you, then that is the truth.

You Want Him To Get Into A Program


WHAT HAPPENS: He may have failed at rehabilitation programs, tried to kick the addiction on his own, or refused that he needs help. You are fully aware he has a problem and you know he will need help.

Rehab or detox does not always work, especially not the first time. You do not have to give up simply because your spouse has failed at recovery. You can however change your strategy. If an addict is forced to get help, it probably means they did not want to. How many times have you done something you did not want to do and kept doing it? The person who is addicted should want to get help, not feel like they are doing it for someone else.

WHAT YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT: You cannot control someone into getting help, but you can make it less likely their addiction will run smoothly. Decide to stop enabling a drug addicted or alcohol husband. Shed some light on what is going on to the people around you both who do not know what is really going on. If you have open and honest conversations with people you love and trust they may be able to help and stop enabling the addict. When an addict has nowhere and no one to turn to, sometimes they will have no choice but to see just how unmanageable their life has become.

You Want Him To Stop Hanging Out With Other Drug Users


WHAT HAPPENS: You want to show him how the “friends” he is using with are not a good influence on him. You block or track his calls, you throw his phone out, hide his keys, or confront his friends but he still goes out with them. These are not his friends; these are his dealers, his drug buddies, and people who are in the same point in their life as he is. You cannot compete with anyone that he gets high with. If you try, he will just lie.

WHAT YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT: So try a different approach. Stop caring about who he hangs out with and let him do what he wants to do. Stop fighting him. He knows you want him to stop. You have made the things you want him to change clear. Why play the game?

Stop playing into his addiction and let him realize that you are moving on with your life, and he is welcome to do the same. He only detests you when you try to stop him from using, so perhaps letting him know you are not happy with his addiction, that you are going to live your own life, will send a clear message; he will lose you.

Should you leave an addicted or alcoholic spouse? It’s going to be your decision. But once you decide, get help and support to follow through.  This time though, you will be showing him, not just telling him.

Can You Get Your Husband Into Recovery?
  • “I will stop using as soon as I get through this stressful month at work.”
  • “I need you to help me; I cannot live without you.”
  • “I will stop drinking for a month, I can control it.”

You pray that each time you hear words of remorse or shame from your addicted spouse that this will really be the last time. You have read every book on recovery for families and how to help an addict and…no luck. You hang your hopes on the few stories you have heard, like urban legends, of wives who have helped their husbands into recovery. You are skeptical of anyone who tells you that you cannot fix your husband.

The truth is that YOU CANNOT CHANGE YOUR SPOUSE. This is a harsh reality. We know this. So, if you need to share and know that you are not alone, please leave us a comment here. We’ll try to get back with you ASAP.

Photo credit: Dennis Skley

19 Comments
laura
11/26/2016 10:20:04 pm

Thank goodness for your wonderful help and prayers Diviner Odi. My son Stephen is now well and have quit drugs and alcohol. I was making all efforts to make my son Stephen quit drugs. He was addicted to drugs for the past 13 years. He had made my life a living hell and that of his siblings. His late Dad developed a heart attack and died as a result of when Stephen was caught with cocaine and sentenced to 6 years in prison. He steals from me to buy drugs when he has no money. Sometimes, i do pity him when he sit down crying like a child when he does not have the money to buy the drugs. He has been taking to rehabilitation centers, yet he did not change.I came across a testimony of a man on a prayer blog of how Diviner Odi helped his daughter to quit drugs. I wrote Him, and i was told what to do, in 5 days, my son quit drugs and alcohol. thanks to Diviner Odi for his prayers. If anybody on this blogs needs his help you can contact him via his email address: latterdayassembly@gmail.com

Reply
donatella saggiorato
12/20/2016 12:59:00 pm

I am desperate because my husband is a drug addicted and I have tried all possible ways to help him but have been unsuccessful all the tmes; we have one 8 months old daughter and a nearly 3 year old daughter and we have been together for 15 years and married for 13 1/2. I wanted to save this family especially for my girls sake as I don't like thinking they will grow up without a father but also because I still love him so much; but I have reached a point where I believe there is nothing else to do and I am trying to make myself ready psychologically that maybe the best option will be to leave..we have a mortgage together on a house he built himself so it is quite hard to take this move but if there is nothing else to do...........................He started on heroine, he went to a clinic to get help with that drug, he is now on subuxone but he is actively crack user also.
I am desperate and don't know what to do; I am VERY tired of his lies and the ways he tries to get money off me lying; he completely destroyed my only car yesterday with my daughter in it; luckily nothing very serious happened but it could have happened; I have no car, no money to buy another car and have two very young daughters with which will be very difficult to move around without car as I have always done;
I don't know what to do anymore; I AM DESPERATE AND NEED HELP! have tried many online families help but could not get the help I need. I don't know who else could; have no families or friends around; please I would really appreciate your assistance to exit this terrible situation; I tried all possible ways....please; he does not recognise he has a problem...I don't understand; what can I do???

Reply
lissa
2/28/2017 01:36:11 pm

it all happened like a dream come true,even though i already lost hope in larry my son,who happened to be an addict to drugs.He's been an addict for 10 years, which has caused him a lot of troubles,he gets to move with bad peers,steal from me and sometimes from other people to get drugs.he gets into fight and misbehave whenever he's done taking them .he's been arrested several times and rehabilitated twice .this got me worried and scared.Now he's doing fine after some couple of days of contact with diviner chindu,who helped pray for him and got him free from addiction .i got to contact him after i saw a testimony of a woman on a blog who also faced similar issue with her husband. am so happy and greatful. i'd urge anyone who's lost hope already on this blog not to,but to contact him via his email adress: lordchindutemple@gmail.com

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Lourens Harverd
1/25/2018 05:55:39 am

Hello everyone, my name is Laurens Harvard, from USA. have been addicted to drugs for the past 8 years now, i tried all the means to stop but never work out, the moment am taking a brake from it the moment my body start feeling strange to the extend i can't do without taking drugs a day. because of drugs my girlfriend of 6 years relationship leave me. i leave all my friends because of drugs thinking i will stop it but i was still unable to do without drugs, until i have to sit down and look for a solution online, when i come across this great Dr. Dr Manbela who help me with his great and powerful spell, and today i no longer do drugs am now a free man, and my girlfriend who leave me 8 months ago come back to me with the power of this great dr. my advice to others people out there who has been looking for a way to stop drugs can kindly contact dr. Manbela on his email: manbelaspelltemple1@gmail.com or through is whatsapp number +2348112060023.

Once again am grateful Dr. Manbela.

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Lourens Harverd
1/25/2018 06:14:46 am

Hello everyone, my name is Laurens Harvard, from USA. have been addicted to drugs for the past 8 years now, i tried all the means to stop but never work out, the moment am taking a brake from it the moment my body start feeling strange to the extend i can't do without taking drugs a day. because of drugs my girlfriend of 6 years relationship leave me. i leave all my friends because of drugs thinking i will stop it but i was still unable to do without drugs, until i have to sit down and look for a solution online, when i come across this great Dr. Dr Manbela who help me with his great and powerful spell, and today i no longer do drugs am now a free man, and my girlfriend who leave me 8 months ago come back to me with the power of this great dr. my advice to others people out there who has been looking for a way to stop drugs can kindly contact dr. Manbela on his email: manbelaspelltemple1@gmail.com or through is whatsapp number +2348112060023.

Once again am grateful Dr. Manbela.

Reply
Ruby Knighton
11/2/2018 10:54:54 pm

Thank goodness for your wonderful help and prayers Jerry Johnson. I just want to share my experience for the past few years. My son Jesse is now well and have stop doing drugs and alcohol. I was making all efforts to make my son Jesse , stop the use of drugs but to no avail, He has been addicted to drugs for the past 13 years, this has made my life a living hell and that of his siblings. His late Dad developed a heart attack and died as a result of Jesse’s sudden behavior and when he was caught with cocaine by the law enforcement agency and then sentenced to 6 years in prison. He steals from me to buy drugs when he has no money. Sometimes, i do pity him when he sits down crying like a child when he does not have the money to buy the drugs. He has been taking to rehabilitation centers, yet he did not change.I came across a testimony of a man on a prayer blog on how Jerry Johnson helped his daughter to stop drugs completely, I wrote Him, and i was told what to do, in 5 days great changes happened, my son stopped drugs and alcohol, and he’s back to his senses, I couldn’t believe this at first, though I have lost my lovely boy to Drugs...., all thanks to Jerry Johnson for his prayers. If anybody on this blogs needs his help you can contact him via email: jerryjohnsonomar@gmail.com

I made a promise never to stop testifying about the great work of God in the life of my family and what he has done for my son!! I’m grateful

Reply
Brittany
12/10/2018 03:15:03 pm

So I am in need of some advice on my relationship. My boyfriend of over a year and whom I have known for 10+ years is an addict. It wasnt news to me when I got with him nor anyone else. But truth is I need help! His use has gotten way more constant, he wants to stop and I can see he wants to but we just dont know how to go about it.....he doesnt want to do rehab but I think it would be good for him. I am tired of the lies and hidding thw truth....its exhuasting but I won't give up on him. I guess what I am asking how to help me deal with the ups and downs when he is with drawing
And how yo help him get the help he needs? Without pushing him or telling him what he has to do.

Reply
Patricia
12/31/2019 05:58:53 pm

Leave him! I didnt want to see my husband, once bf, would not change and now I am here stuck with an addict. Leave while you have time and dont get your life entangled with his. Hope this got to you in time

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